“No,” said Peary, “that’s a fact, I didn’t.” “Well, I don’t suppose you’re as used to traveling as I am,” said the young fellow. “Whereabouts are you headed for, anyhow?” “Me?” said Peary. “Oh, I’m only going to the North Pole.” § 222 Where He Could Go for Thirty Cents “About three months ago,” so a friend of mine said, “fourteen of us were waiting in a line at the Grand Central Station to purchase fares on outgoing trains. Some among us had but a few minutes to spare. All of us, naturally, were in a hurry to transact the business and get ourselves and our luggage aboard the cars. “All of a sudden an inebriated person burst like an alcoholic bombshell among us. Ignoring the rules of procedure, he shoved his way to the front, elbowing and jostling those already in line, until he reached the ticket window. Upon the shelf he slammed down a quarter and a nickle and in a loud voice stated his wishes. “‘Gimme a ticket for San Francisco,’ he said. “‘You can’t go to San Francisco for thirty cents,’ stated the ticket-seller. “‘Well, where can I go, then?’ he asked. “And with one voice, all fourteen of us told him.” § 223 Overlooking No Side Bets Jimmie and Arthur, aged respectively six and ten, were spending a week with their grandmother, who was wealthy and generous, while their parents were away from home on a visit. A few nights before Christmas the youngsters were getting ready for bed. Their grandmother was in an adjoining room waiting for them to retire so she might turn out the light. Arthur said his prayers and crawled under the covers. Jimmie, still on his knees, proceeded to petition Heaven for an extensive line of Christmas presents. As he progressed, his voice rose louder and louder. Also he began to repeat himself. He spoke somewhat after this fashion: “And, Oh, Lord, please send me a soldier-suit, and a tool-chest—a big tool-chest, Lord—and a watch and a drum and a horn and a toy wagon and——” Annoyed, the older brother raised up and interrupted: “Say,” he demanded, “you needn’t be praying so loud; the Lord ain’t deaf.” “I know he ain’t,” said Jimmie, “but Grandma is.” § 224 The Lick That Won the Victory There was a Scotchman who had a wife and she had strong views upon the subject of strong drink. One night he came home late and badly befuddled. He managed to get inside the house without awakening her, but, in order to reach his own sleeping quarters, it was necessary for him to pass through her room. On its threshold he had an inspiration. He got down on his hands and knees and started to crawl across the intervening floor-space. But when he was just alongside of her bed he chanced to brush against the coverlids and the lady was aroused. In the darkness, mistaking the dark bulk that was in arm’s reach of her for the family house-dog, she said, “Come, Jocko, Jocko!”