This yarn, which is of English origin, requires quite a bit of stage-setting. We are expected to imagine a village green in the morning. The official village drunkard is revealed in the foreground. It is evident that he has had a hard night. He leans against the village pump, pressing his throbbing temples to the cool iron work. Ambling up to him with a smile of gratification on his chubby cheeks, comes the curate of the parish. “Good morning, Walker,” says the curate briskly. “Mornin’,” says Walker, opening one eye wanly but not shifting his position. “Walker,” continues the curate, “I want to tell you that I was most pleased—although, I must confess, a bit surprised as well—to see you among those present at vesper services last evening.” “Ow,” says Walker; “so that’s where I was, was I?” § 322 It Very Often Proves Fatal A literal and simple-minded man, by birth a German, sent his wife to the hospital for an operation. The operation was performed in the forenoon. In the afternoon, when he quit work, the husband called to inquire how the patient had stood the ordeal. The nurse told him that she seemed to be improving. Early the next morning he was on hand asking for the latest tidings from the sick-room, and again he was informed that his wife still appeared to be improving. Twice daily all through the week he received similar reports. But one morning when he called he was met with the distressing news that she had passed away. In a daze the widower started down the street to find an undertaking establishment. On the way he met an acquaintance and the latter said: “Well, how’s your wife to-day?” “She iss dead,” answered the bereft one. “Ach!” said his friend. “That’s too bad. I thought she was getting along first rate. What did she die of?” “Improvements.” § 323 Proving That Figures Don’t Lie Three patricians of the coal yards fared forth on mercy bent, each in his great black chariot. Their overlord, the yard superintendent, had bade them deliver to seven families a total of twenty-eight tons of coal equally divided. Well out of the yards, each with his first load, Kelly and Burke and Shea paused to discuss the problem of equal distribution—how much coal should each family get? “’Tis this way,” argued Burke. “’Tis but a bit of mathematics. If there are 7 families an’ 28 tons o’ coal ye divide 28 by 7, which is done as follows: Seven into 8 is 1, 7 into 21 is 3, which makes 13.” He triumphantly exhibited his figures made with a stubby pencil on a bit of grimy paper: 7/28/13 7 — 21 21 — 00