A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
“Well, suh, at daylight this mawnin’ we fell into one of these yere lil’
towns up yere jest ’bout the time dem Bush Germans wuz fallin’ out of
it. But even ef we did have de scoundrels on de run, dey didn’t fergit
to shoot at us ez dey went away. Dem big shells wuz whistlin’ past over
my haid, talkin’ to demselves, an’ ever’ now an’ then one of ’em would
come by w’ich, it seemed lak, t’wuz speakin’ to me pussonally. I could
hear it say jest ez plain: ‘You ain’t never gwine _see-e-e-e-e-e_ yore
home in Ala-BAM!’
“So I sez to myse’f, I sez: ‘Seein’ ez dese Germans is all daid an’
scattered an’ ever’thing, ’twon’t be any real harm ef I gets under cover
myse’f!’
“So I looks ’round fur a place to git at. ’Co’se, most of de houses in
dat town hez done been shot down flat. But I sees one still standin’,
wid de roof on it, too—a lil’ place called a _Taverne_. Dat’s whut a
Frenchman say, boss, w’en he means saloon.
“Natchelly, dey ain’t nobody livin’ thar no mo’. So I walks up an’ I
teks hold of de doorknob an’ I’se jest fixin’ to turn de knob an’ shove
open de do’ an’ step in w’en _BAM!_ right ’long side of me one of dem
German shells went off an’ tuk dat saloon right out of my hand!”
§ 98 What the Case Called For
Gabe Thompson was a person of unrelieved color, the color being black.
Always, until he reached middle age he had enjoyed perfect health.
Suddenly he was stricken down with what seemingly was a grievous
affliction. His complexion turned the color of wet wood-ashes and he
moaned with pain. His wife, in alarm, summoned a friend from a near-by
cabin.
“Gabe,” said the neighbor, “You ’pears lak to me that you is powerful
porely. S’posin’ I hitches up an’ goes to town fur the doctor?”
“All right,” said Gabe, “but let de doctor w’ich you gits be a hoss
doctor.”
“Whu’ fur you wants a hoss doctor?” asked the other in astonishment.
“You ain’t no hoss. Chances is you ain’t got no hoss disease.”
“Nummine,” replied Gabe between gasps of agony, “you jest do lak I tells
you. Ef I knowed whut ailed me ’twould be diffe’nt, but I ain’t
knowin’.”
“Whut diffe’nce does dat make?”
“I’ll tell you,” said Gabe. “Ef a regulation doctor comes to see you he
kin talk wid you. He kin ax you whar de pain is an’ whut you been eatin’
an’ drinkin’ an’ you kin tell him. But a hoss doctor he can’t talk wid
his patients kaze de patients can’t talk back. He’s jest natchelly
’bleedged to know whut ails ’em.
“Nigger, you go git me de bes’ hoss doctor you kin find!”
§ 99 The Light that Failed
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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