A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
Next morning the authorities sent two more bodies to be consumed. As the
functionary, wearing heavily padded gloves, unscrewed the caplike door
of his little private inferno and involuntarily shrunk back from the
blast of incredible heat which gushed out into his face, he was
astounded to hear a querulous, plaintive, Afro-American voice uplifted
from the very heart of the furnace, saying:
“Who is dat openin’ dat do’ an’ lettin’ all dat cold draft of air in
yere on me?”
§ 122 One Time When the Colonel Balked
In his old age, after he quit the war-path, Quanah Parker, the famous
chief of the Comanches, adopted many of the white man’s ways; but in one
important respect he clung to the custom of his fathers. He continued to
be a polygamist.
He was a friend and admirer of ex-President Roosevelt. On one occasion,
when Colonel Roosevelt was touring Oklahoma he drove out to Parker’s
home camp twelve miles from Fort Sill to see the old warrior. With pride
Parker pointed out that he lived in a house like a white man, that he
was sending his children to the white man’s schools and that he,
himself, wore the garb of the white man. Whereupon, Colonel Roosevelt
was moved to preach him a sermon on the subject of the moralities.
“See here, Chief,” he said, “why don’t you set your people a still
better example of obedience to the laws of the land and the customs of
the whites? A white man has only one wife; he’s allowed only one at a
time. Here you are living with five squaws. Why don’t you give up four
of them and remain faithful to the fifth? You could continue to support
the four you put aside but they need no longer be members of your
household. Then, in all respects, you would be living as the white man
lives.”
Parker, who spoke excellent English when he chose to do so, considered
the proposition for a space in silence. Then, with a twinkle in his
beady old eyes he made answer:
“You are my great white father,” he said, “and I will do as you wish—on
one condition.”
“What’s the condition?” asked the Colonel.
“You pick out the one I am to live with and then you go tell the other
four.”
§ 123 And No Steam Calliope, Either
There is a theatrical manager in New York who began his professional
career as press-agent for a circus. A year or two ago he had occasion to
believe that a bill-posting crew sent out by him to paper the territory
for a big production in which he was interested had failed to live up to
its contract. He decided to make a quiet trip over the itinerary and
check up on the suspected shirkers. In a city just across the Canadian
line in Quebec he hired a livery-stable rig with a driver for the
purpose of riding through the adjacent country.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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