§ 146 Without Professional Assistance A lady who lives on a plantation in the southern part of Alabama went up to Birmingham on a visit. Upon her return an old negro man who occasionally did odd jobs for her dropped by to welcome her home and to tell her the news of the neighborhood. “Whilst you wuz gone Aunt Mallie died,” he said. Aunt Mallie was a poor old black woman who lived in a tumbledown cabin half a mile away. “Oh, that’s too bad,” said the white lady sympathetically. “How long was she sick?” “Jes’ three or fo’ days,” he said. “What ailed her?” “They didn’ nobody know. One mawnin’ she up and fell sick and she kep’ on gittin’ wuss and wuss ’twel de fo’th day come and den, all of a suddenlak, she hauled off an’ died.” “Who was the doctor?” “She didn’ have no doctor—she died a natchel death!” § 147 Making It Harder Than Ever There was a complaint in a small village a few miles from Edinburgh regarding the trolley fare. For four rides into the city the company charged a shilling. This, in the opinion of many of the villagers, was much too much. A delegation was chosen to visit the offices of the line and make representation in favor of a lower rate. The arguments advanced by the plenipotentiaries prevailed. The company decided that thereafter six tickets might be had for the former price. The townspeople returned home rejoicing, but there was at least one of their fellow-citizens who did not share in the view that a wise step had been taken. This was an elderly gentleman renowned for his frugality even in a community where frugal folk are common. “It’s all dam’ foolishness,” he declared. “Now we’ve got to walk to town six times instead of four-r times to save a shillin’!” § 148 Why They Called Him Speedy Bert Swor, the minstrel man, is something more than a mere black-faced comedian. He was born and reared in a Texas town and he probably knows as much about the true delineation of certain negro types as any living man. One of his most popular wheezes is a rendition of something which a colored man at Fort Worth said years ago. Two negroes were talking together. As Swor passed by he gathered that the subject under discussion was the relative fleetness of foot of the pair. One of them said: “You claims you is fast! You says you’s so fast folks calls you Speedy! Jest how fast is you, nigger?” “I’ll tell you how fast I is,” said the other. “De room whar I sleeps nights is got jest one ’lectric light in it w’ich dat ’lectric light is forty feet frum de baid. W’en I gits undressed I kin walk over to dat ’lectric light and turn it out and git back into baid and be all covered up befo’ de room gits dark.” § 149 There Would Be Three in All