“Lemme see, boss,” he said, “ef I gits dis thing straight: You don’t owe me for de beer, ’cause you give me de cigar fur it; and you don’t owe me fur de cigar, ’cause you handed it back to me. Is dat right?” “Certainly, it’s right,” said the crafty white. “Ver’ well, then,” agreed the colored man; “but say, mister, I wants to ax you a favor: Next time you feels lak smokin’ or drinkin’ please tek yo’ custom somewhars else.” § 166 The Surest System Yet This story has to do with a man describing a poker game which he was invited to join while visiting in a strange town. “The first hand that was dealt,” he says, “I had threes. I opened the pot and one other man stayed. He drew one card. We bet back and forth for a while and finally he called. ‘I’ve got three of a kind,’ I said, and showed down my three nines. ‘I’ve got a straight—ten high,’ he says, and pitches his hand in the deck and reaches for the chips. ‘Hold on,’ I says, ‘I didn’t see what you had.’ He looks at me sort of surprised and the fellow who’s givin’ the party speaks up and says to me: ‘This is a gentleman’s game. If a man wins a pot here we never ask him to show his hand. We just take his word for it that he holds the winning cards and we let it go at that. That’s our rule.’” “Did you keep on playing after that?” asks a bystander. “Certainly I did,” says the first speaker. “And did you win?” “Did I win? Huh—the first pot was the only one I lost!” § 167 All According to Specifications “Now, then, children,” said the Sunday school teacher in her best Sunday school teacher’s manner, “the lesson for to-day is about the Prophet Elisha. Can any little boy or little girl here tell us anything about Elisha?” “Me,” answered a ten-year-old urchin, holding up his hand. “Very well, then, Eddie,” answered the teacher. “Now, then, all the rest of you be nice and quiet while Eddie, here, tells us about the Prophet Elisha.” “Well,” said Eddie, “Elisha was an old bald-headed preacher. One day he was goin’ along the big road and he came past where some children were playin’ in the sand, and they laughed at him and poked fun at him and called him names and hollered, ‘Oh, look at that old bald-headed man!’ That made Elisha hoppin’ mad and he stopped and turned around and shook his fist at ’em and he said: ‘Don’t you kids make fun of me any more! If you do I’ll call some bears out of them woods yonder and they’ll shore eat you up.’ “And they did and he did and the bears did.” § 168 The Reason the Artist Quit This is in explanation of why a rather well-known New Yorker gave up free-hand drawing. Although without any artistic training, he rather fancied himself a pretty fair amateur sketch artist.