A laugh a day keeps the doctor awayCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
A laugh a day keeps the doctor away
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
American wit and humor; Anecdotes
Theodore Hallam, perhaps the greatest orator in a state of orators, and
almost the quickest-thinking man on his feet, I believe, that ever lived
anywhere, having bolted the nomination of Goebel, took the stump against
him. The seceding wing of the party picked on Hallam to open its fight,
and chose the town of Bowling Green as a fitting place for the firing of
the first gun, Bowling Green being a town where the rebellion inside the
Democratic ranks was wide-spread and vehement. But Goebel had his
adherents there, too.
You could fairly smell trouble cooking on that August afternoon when
Hallam rose up in the jammed courthouse to begin his speech. Hardly had
he started when a local leader, himself a most handy person in a
rough-and-tumble argument, stood upon the seat of his chair, towering
high above the heads of those about him.
“I want to ask you a question!” he demanded in a tone like the roar of
one of Bashan’s bulls.
One third of the crowd yelled: “Go ahead!” The other two thirds yelled:
“Throw him out!” and a few enthusiastic spirits suggested the expediency
of destroying the gentleman utterly.
With a wave of his hand Hallam stilled the tumult.
“Let it be understood now and hereafter that this is to be no joint
debate,” he said in his rather high-pitched voice. “My friends have
arranged for the use of this building this afternoon and I intend to be
the only speaker. But it is a tenet of our political faith that in a
Democratic gathering no man who calls himself a Democrat shall be denied
the right to be heard. If the gentleman will be content to ask his
question, whatever it is, and to abide by my answer to it, I am willing
that he should speak.”
“That suits me,” proclaimed the interrupter. “My question is this:
Didn’t you say at the Louisville convention not four weeks ago that if
the Democrats of Kentucky, in convention assembled, nominated a yaller
dog for Governor, you would vote for him?”
“I did,” said Hallam calmly.
“Well, then,” whooped the heckler, eager now to press his seeming
advantage, “in the face of that statement, why do you now repudiate the
nominee of that convention and refuse to support him?”
For his part Hallam waited for perfect quiet and finally got it.
“I admit,” he stated, “that I said then what now I repeat, namely, that
when the Democrats of Kentucky nominate a yaller dog for the
governorship of this great state I mean to support him—but lower than
that ye shall not drag me!”
§ 170 Time Was No Object
A colored man was idling along the sidewalk on the opposite side of the
street from where the county jail stood. From a barred window high up in
the structure came the voice of a member of his own race:
“Say, nigger,” called the unseen speaker.
The pedestrian halted and faced about.
“Whut you want?” he demanded.
“I wants to ax you a question,” said the invisible one.
“Well, ax it. I’s listenin’.”
“Is you got a watch on you?”
“Suttinly I’s got a watch on me.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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