To conclude this chapter of absurdities, we beg the reader to bear in mind—first, that Balaam was not a prophet of Jehovah, but a conjuror; and if he professed any religion, it was that of heathenism. But he (Balaam) had heard of the manner of sacrificing to the Jewish God, and accordingly began by slaying seven bullocks and an equal number of rams; and while the altars were smoking, (if the Bible be true,) the Lord of the whole earth left his throne, and came down to see what was going on. The old fortune-teller was hard at work, and the princes of Moab standing by to hear the result; when lo, and behold! the Lord descends, and we may suppose him to say—“Balaam! why, you are cooking for a large party! Come, Balaam, before you go any further, a word with you, if you please. Come this way. What does all this mean? We must have some private talk about this affair.” “Why, my Lord, you know my business. I must do all I can for my employers; I thought that if sacrifice is made, agreeably to your order of worship, you might be induced to alter your mind towards your people: for we have heard that at times, when the fit comes on, you give them a severe thrashing.” “Yes, Balaam, there is some truth in the report; but I tell you, once for all, that if you offer all the bullocks in the world, and all the rams beside, you cannot, must not, curse Israel.” No lawyer ever stuck closer to a rich client than did Balaam to the King of Moab; for again and again did he sacrifice to the Lord of Hosts. Another trial, on a mountain, was made, and again Jehovah descends and tells Balaam the same as before. The third and last effort being made, which would incline us to think that the patience of Heaven must have been tired out, was enough to make the doorkeeper exclaim, “Here is Monsieur Tonson come again!” The last descent is made by the Lord, and the prophet gives in, reluctantly. I challenge any minister of the gospel to produce a more absurd story, in any system of theology, than the account of Balaam, his ass, and the Lord of Hosts. I will not insult the reader by saying, _do not believe it;_ but rather say, _believe it who can!_ CHAPTER V. FROM THE DEATH OF JOSHUA TO THE REIGN OF SAUL WE now come to the time when the Israelites were settled in the land of Canaan, Moses and Joshua being dead. This period of Bible history, from the death of Joshua to the time of Saul, their first King, is about four hundred years. And, seeing the miracles and wonders performed in behalf of God’s chosen people, in the times of Moses and Joshua, we might reasonably expect that the same care would be continued towards them in succeeding generations. But, on the contrary, during the time the different Judges presided over them, nothing but disasters and confusion prevailed; and if their history is to be credited, it must appear as if Jehovah had nearly given them up as a prey to his and their enemies.