'I am carrying a letter,' Emily continued, 'that I was going to post
before I went in. I will give it you now, and I am glad of the
opportunity; it seems safer. I have written what I feel I could never
say to you. Read it and destroy it, and never speak of what it
contains.'
She gave him the letter, and then he walked with her homewards.
On the morrow, shortly after breakfast, he was sitting in his study,
when a knock came at the door. He bade enter, and it was Beatrice. She
came towards him, gave her hand mechanically, and said--
'Can you spare me a few minutes?'
He placed a chair for her. Her eyes had not closed since they last
looked at him; he saw it, though the expression of her features was not
weariness.
'There is one thing, Wilfrid, that I think I have a right to ask you.
Will you tell me why she left you, years ago?'
Her tone was that of one continuing a conversation. There might have
been no break between yesterday and to-day. We cannot always gather from
the voice what struggle has preceded utterance.
Wilfrid turned away. On the table lay that letter of Emily's; he had
read it many times, and was reading it when the knock disturbed him.
With a sudden movement, he took up the sheet of paper and held it to
Beatrice.
'It is there--the reason. I myself have only known it a few hours. Read
that. I have no right to show it you--and no right to refuse.'
Beatrice held the letter for a brief space without turning her eyes upon
it. Wilfrid walked to a distance, and at length she read. Emily had
recounted every circumstance of her father's death, and told the history
of her own feelings, all with complete simplicity, almost coldly. Only
an uncertainty in the hand-writing here and there showed the suffering
it had cost her to look once more into the very eyes of the past. Yet it
was of another than herself that she wrote; she felt that even in her
memory of woe.
They faced each other again. Beatrice's eyes were distended; their
depths lightened.
'I am glad! I am glad you met her before it was too late!'
Her voice quivered upon a low, rich note. Such an utterance was the
outcome of a nature strong to the last limit of self-conquest. Wilfrid
heard and regarded her with a kind of fear; her intensity passed to him;
he trembled.
'I have nothing to pardon,' she continued. 'You were hers long before my
love had touched your heart. You have tried to love me; but this has
come soon enough to save us both.'
And again--
'If I did not love you, I should act selfishly; but self is all gone
from me. In this moment I could do greater things to help you to
happiness. Tell me; have you yet spoken to--to the others?'
'To no one.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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