'But who would pity the sorrows o' the poor fat boy? No heye was bedewed with tears to see 'im rolled across the stage as the livin' football, carried in a net as a string o' honions, trussed an' carried in a tray with carrots an' turmots on a baker's 'ead to represent "ye first-prize Christmas goose." An' no one wept w'en 'e was placed on the table to be carved by Prince de Gourmand--no, not w'en 'e swore 'e was old an' tough, an' then threw 'im at the 'ead o' the pantaloon. I've been a roast suckin'-pig with brown gravy, I've been a turkey with sassingers, I've been a pigeon-pie with my 'ead an' my toes a-stickin' through the crust, an' I've figured as cold side-dish at the board o' the King o' the Cannibul-high-lows. An' against these indignities my proud soul 'as burned within me, an' I kept silence honly because somefin allers told me my day would one day come. An' I see it now a-comin'. I see a glorious vista openin' up before my mental heyes o' triumph hafter triumph as Hengland's greatest tragedian. 'An', Miss Lotty,' he said, coming down to the terrestrial, 'if ye goes to Lunnon, who knows but what Chops junior will follow ye, an' in the fullness o' time strut the stage as a star o' the fust magnitude?' 'Don't you think, Chops, it is time we went to camp to dinner now?' Next day--because it was after the 'fast,' and everybody in the parish had been to church--was a great one in the camp of the Queerest Show on Earth. Bruin danced his very drollest, the Skeleton performed the most wonderful tricks. The dreaded dooroocoolie, it was said, had got loose; there was the most fearsome roaring, and the struggle in surrounding it once more with its clanking chains was more dreadful than the battle of St George and the ten-clawed Dragon. But the performances of Lotty Lee were encored till the poor child was well-nigh tired to death. Then the whole strength of the band discoursed the sweetest selection while the limelights were turned on the merman's tank. The astonished rustics gaped with dread and with curiosity when Biffins Lee, stepping forward, announced to the ladies and gentlemen that to-night they would see something that they would not only marvel at, but remember as long as their toes held together on the face of the earth. The merman, it was said, expected his daughter early next week, the real live and beautiful mermaiden who had been seen afloat in Partan Bay; and so her father to-night had determined to have a great spring cleaning of his cave. The public were requested to inspect for themselves; and, sure enough, there was the merman in all his hideous ugliness asleep in the corner of the tank. Then Biffins waved the audience back, and almost immediately afterwards they would have gladly gone still farther back if they had had a chance, for the awful old merman appeared suddenly on the surface of the tank, and began to eat pieces of fried fish that were handed to him.