A Little Journey in the WorldWarner, Charles Dudley
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A Little Journey in the World
Warner, Charles Dudley
American fiction -- 19th century
When Margaret stayed in her room, one morning, to write a long-postponed
letter to her aunt, she discovered that she had very little to write,
at least that she wanted to write, to her aunt. She began, however,
resolutely with a little account of her life. But it seemed another
thing on paper, addressed to the loving eyes at Brandon. There were too
much luxury and idleness and triviality in it, too much Carmen and Count
Crispo and flirtation and dissipation in it.
She tore it up, and went to the window and looked out upon the sea. She
was indignant with the Brandon people that they should care so little
about this charming life. She was indignant at herself that she had torn
up the letter. What had she done that anybody should criticise her?
Why shouldn't she live her life, and not be hampered everlastingly by
comparisons?
She sat down again, and took up her pen. Was she changing--was she
changed? Why was it that she had felt a little relief when her last
Brandon visit was at an end, a certain freedom in Lenox and a greater
freedom in Newport? The old associations became strong again in her
mind, the life in the little neighborhood, the simplicity of it, the
high ideals of it, the daily love and tenderness. Her aunt was no doubt
wondering now that she did not write, and perhaps grieving that Margaret
no more felt at home in Brandon. It was too much. She loved them, she
loved them all dearly. She would write that, and speak only generally
of her frivolous, happy summer. And she began, but somehow the letter
seemed stiff and to lack the old confiding tone.
But why should they disapprove of her? She thought of her husband.
If circumstances had altered, was she to blame? Could she always be
thinking of what they would think at Brandon? It was an intolerable
bondage. They had no right to set themselves up over her. Suppose her
aunt didn't like Carmen. She was not responsible for Carmen. What would
they have her do? Be unhappy because Henderson was prosperous, and she
could indulge her tastes and not have to drudge in school? Suppose she
did look at some things differently from what she used to. She knew more
of the world. Must you shut yourself up because you found you couldn't
trust everybody? What was Mr. Morgan always hitting at? Had he any
better opinion of men and women than her husband had? Was he any more
charitable than Uncle Jerry? She smiled as she thought of Uncle Jerry
and his remark--“It's a very decent world if you don't huff it.” No; she
did like this life, and she was not going to pretend that she didn't. It
would be dreadful to lose the love and esteem of her dear old friends,
and she cried a little as this possibility came over her. And then she
hardened her heart a little at the thought that she could not help it if
they chose to misunderstand her and change.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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