Her mind then became occupied with other thoughts of less positive
purport. The uncertainty of what would take place in this interview with
René caused her greater agitation than she cared for. She had played
the part of a Madonna before him, and the time had now come to get down
from the altar upon which she had been so piously adored. Her feminine
tact had hit upon a bold plan--lead the poet to a declaration, reply by
a confession of her own feelings, then flee from him as if in remorse,
and so leave the way open for any step she might afterwards care to
take. Whilst playing havoc with René's heart, this plan would suspend
his judgment of her acts and absolve her of any follies she might
commit. It was bold but clever, and, above all, simple. There were,
nevertheless, a few real dangers connected with it. Let the poet
entertain distrust but for one moment and all was lost. Suzanne's heart
beat faster at the thought. How many women there are who have been
similarly situated, and who, after having reared a most elaborate fabric
of falsehoods, have been compelled to continue their _rôle_ in order to
obtain satisfaction for the true feelings that originally actuated them!
When the men on whose account such women as these have played their
hypocritical _rôles_ discover the lie palmed off upon them, their
indignation and contempt abundantly prove how important a factor vanity
is in all affection.
'Come, come,' exclaimed Suzanne, 'here am I trembling like a
school-girl!' She smiled indulgently as she uttered the words, because
they proved once more the sincerity of her feelings, and again she
smiled when, on alighting from her cab and crossing the courtyard, she
saw that she was there to the minute. 'Still a school-girl!' she
repeated to herself. A momentary fear came over her at the thought that
if René happened to arrive just after her he would see her obliged to
ask one of the attendants for the entrance to the galleries--she who had
boasted of having been there so often. She had not been in the place
three times in her life, though to-day her little feet trotted across
the spacious courtyard in their dainty laced boots as confidently as
though they performed the journey daily. 'What a child I am!' said the
inner voice once more--the voice of the Baron's pupil, who had acquired
as deep a knowledge of life as any hoary diplomat. 'He has been waiting
for me upstairs for the last half-hour!' Still she could not refrain
from looking anxiously about her as she asked her way of one of the
attendants. But her worldly knowledge had not deceived her, for no
sooner had she reached the doorway between the Galerie d'Apollon and the
Salon Carré than she saw René; he was leaning against the iron
railing, just underneath the noble work by Veronese, representing Mary
Magdalene washing our Saviour's feet, and opposite the famous Noces de
Cana.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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