He stopped, amazed at the boldness of his own words. As he finished
speaking there came over him that strange sensation that seizes us when
in our dreams we hear ourselves revealing some secret to the very person
from whom we ought most to hide it. She had listened to him with her
eyes still fixed on vacancy, and still wearing her look of abstraction.
But her eyelids quivered, her breath came short and quick, and her
little hand trembled as it lay in his. This was such a startling and
delightful surprise that it gave René courage to go on.
'Forgive me for talking to you like this! If you only knew--it may be
childish and silly--but when I saw you for the first time I seemed to
recognise you--you are so like the woman I have always dreamt of meeting
ever since I have had a heart. Before meeting you I only thought I
lived, I only thought I felt. What a fool I was! And what a fool I am! I
have gone and undone myself in your eyes. But at least I have told you
that I love you--you know it now. You can do with me as you will. My
God! how I love you, how I love you!'
As he gazed at her in rapt admiration and repeated the words that seemed
to relieve the feelings that raged within him he saw two great tears
fall from Suzanne's eyes and slowly make their way down her pink cheeks.
He did not know that most women can cry like that at will, especially if
they are at all nervous. These two wretched tears drove his delirium up
to its highest pitch.
'You are crying! he exclaimed; 'you----'
'Don't finish your sentence,' cried Suzanne, putting her hand on his
lips and then moving a little further off. Her eyes remained fixed upon
his face, and in them might be read both passion and a kind of startled
surprise. 'Yes, you have reached my heart. You have awakened feelings of
whose existence I had not the faintest suspicion. I am afraid--afraid of
you, afraid of myself, afraid of being here. We must never see each
other again. I am not free. I ought not even to have listened to your
words.' She stopped; then, taking his hand in hers this time, she went
on: 'Why should I deceive you? All that you feel perhaps I feel too, but
I swear to you that I did not know it until a moment ago. The feeling of
sympathy to which I yielded, and which made me come and join you here
this morning--my God!--I understand it now, I understand! Fool that I
was not to have known how easily the heart is ensnared!'
Fresh tears started from her eyes, and René was so agitated by all that
he had said and heard that he could only murmur, 'Tell me that you
forgive me!'
'Yes, I forgive you,' she replied, squeezing his hand so hard that she
hurt him. 'I feel that I love you too,' and then, as though suddenly
awakening from a dream, she added, 'Good-bye--I forbid you to follow me.
This is the last time we shall meet.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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