She had suspected the rupture between the pseudo-d'Albert and his
mistress by the two solitary visits of Madame Moraines. The fact of
René giving up the apartments proved her suspicions to be correct, and
an idea of taking advantage of the rupture had suddenly entered her
head, either because the poet with his manly beauty really pleased her
or because she had an eye to pecuniary considerations she could not
afford to despise. She was by no means old and thought herself very
attractive. But on looking at her lodger as she carried his hand to her
side she saw in his eyes a look of such cool contempt and disgust that
she immediately loosed her hold of his fingers. She took up the bill,
the writing in which showed that it had been prudently made out
beforehand, and tried to cover her confusion by entering into profuse
explanations of this or that item in a highly inflated account which the
poet did not even stoop to verify. He handed her the sum he owed her,
half in paper, half in gold. The humiliating defeat of her amorous
attempt had not deprived her wits of their sharpness, for she examined
the notes by holding each one up to the light, and looked closely at
each of the gold pieces as she counted them. She even sounded one of the
coins that seemed a little light in weight, and, after a moment's
hesitation, said: 'I must ask you to let me have another for this.'
The impressions produced by this shamelessness and sordid greed were so
well in keeping with the rest of René's feelings that during the
quarter of an hour it took him to carry the few things he had in the
three rooms to his cab he--to use the apt and expressive words of a
humourist--'was as merry as a mute going to his own funeral.' As the old
'growler' jolted along over the stones, carrying in its musty-smelling
interior the emblems of his happiness, his cruel merriment changed to a
fit of most abject melancholy. He recognised every inch of the way he
had so often trodden in the ecstasy of love, and which he would never
tread again. Dark and lowering clouds hung over the city. Since the
preceding evening there had been one of those unexpected returns of
winter to which Paris is frequently exposed about the middle of spring,
and which nip the young verdure with frost. As the cab crossed the
Seine, flowing darkly and drearily along, the unhappy man looked down
into the water and thought, 'How easy it would be to end it all!'
After this movement of despair he felt in his pocket for Suzanne's
letter, as if to convince himself of the reality of his grief. He also
took out her handkerchief and inhaled its perfume--for some time; then
he gazed at her gloves, and saw in them the shape of the fingers he had
loved so well. He felt that he had exhausted all his energy in resisting
temptation, and as soon as he was alone in his room after this fresh and
painful crisis he cried aloud, 'I cannot bear it any longer!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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