What had seemed in others an empty compliment became a delicate
attention in the case of the woman he was beginning to love--unknown to
himself. The discovery of an additional motive for distinguishing her
from all the women he had met on the previous evening made him feel less
able to resist the desire to be near her. He hailed a cab almost
mechanically, and on reaching home commenced to dress. His sister was
out, and Françoise was busy in the kitchen. Though he had still not the
courage to say to himself outright, 'I am going to the Rue Murillo,' he
paid as much attention to the minute details of his toilet as amorous
youths--at such times a deal more coquettish than women--are wont to do.
It was now no longer upon his timidity that he relied for help to battle
against the ever-increasing desire within him. Every object in the room
recalled memories of Rosalie. With the innate honesty of the young, he
for a long time tried to impress upon himself the duty he owed the poor
girl. 'What would I think of her if I heard that she was accepting the
attentions of a man whom she liked as much as I like Madame Moraines?
But then,' rejoined the tempting voice, 'you are an artist, and require
fresh sensations and experience of the world. And who says that you are
going to call on Madame Moraines only to make love to her?'
He was just in the act of applying his handkerchief to a bottle of
'white rose' that stood on his dressing-table. The penetrating perfume
sent the warm blood coursing through his veins in that irresistible tide
of voluptuous desire that marks the nascent passions of ardent but
continent natures such as his. Since his secret engagement to Rosalie
his delicate scruples had led him to return to a life of absolute
purity. But the barriers of reserve gave way before this subtle perfume,
which awakened memories of all that was least ideal in her rival--the
golden ringlets in her neck, her ruby lips and pearly teeth, her snowy
rounded shoulders and the long bare arms with their tapering wrists. And
this, too, just as he was attempting to attribute his admiration for her
to intellectual motives. Of what avail were ideas of loyalty towards
Rosalie in the face of such visions? It was five o'clock. René left the
house, jumped into another cab, and told the man to drive to the Rue
Murillo. He kept his eyes closed the whole of the way, so intensely
painful was the sensation of suspense. Mingled with this was shame for
his own weakness, apprehension of what was in store for him, deep joy at
the thought that he was about to see that glorious face once more, and,
permeating all, a spice of that mad hope, intoxicating on account of its
very vagueness, that urges the young along fresh paths simply for the
sake of their novelty. The feeling of permanence, so indispensable to a
man of experience, who knows how short life really is, is hateful to the
very young. At twenty-five they are by nature changeable, and
consequently fickle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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