Larcher, with a beard of three days' growth and unkempt hair, was seated
at his writing-table, dressed like a beggar, in a dirty coat devoid of a
single button, a pair of worn-out slippers on his feet, and a silk
handkerchief tied in a knot round his neck. The real Bohemian, utterly
regardless of appearance from his earliest youth, came to the surface
every time the would-be swell was obliged to step out of his part and
put his shoulder to the wheel. And this he was obliged to do pretty
frequently. Like all literary workers whose time is their sole capital,
and who, therefore, lead most irregular lives, Claude was always
behindhand with his work and short of money, especially since his
relations with Colette had involved him in that most ruinous expense of
all--the expense incurred by a young man for a woman he does not keep.
Besides the salary she drew from the theatre, the actress had an income
of twenty thousand francs, left her by an old admirer, a Russian noble
who was killed at Plevna; but what with riding about and dining out with
his mistress, and buying her heaps of flowers and presents, Claude had
to find many a bank-note. The proceeds of the two plays being long
spent, the writer was forced to earn these wretched notes by overworking
his brain in the intervals of his enervating debauches.
'At it again!' he cried, looking up with his pale face and clasping
René's hand in his feverish grasp. 'Fifteen chapters to be delivered at
once. A splendid stroke of business with the _Chronique Parisienne_, the
new eight-page paper financed by Audry. They came and asked me for a
story the other day to run as a _feuilleton_ for a fortnight. A franc a
line. I told them I had one ready--only wanted copying. My dear
fellow--hadn't got a word written--not that! But I had an idea. Re-write
"Adolphe" up to date in our jargon, and put in our local colouring. It
will be a beastly hash, but all that's nothing. Do you know what it
means to sit down and write while your heart is being tortured by
jealousy? I am here at my table, scribbling a phrase; an idea occurs to
me, and I want to hold it. Now for it, I think. Suddenly a voice within
me says: "What is Colette doing now?" And I put down my pen as the
pain--ah! such terrible pain!--comes over me. Balzac used to say that he
had discovered how much brain matter was wasted in a night's debauch:
half a volume; and he used to add, "There is not a woman breathing worth
two volumes a year." What nonsense! It isn't love that wears out an
artist, but the continual worry of some fixed idea causing one long
heart-ache. Is it possible to think and feel at the same time? We must
choose one or the other. Victor Hugo never felt anything--nor did
Balzac. If he had really loved his Madame Hanska he would have run after
her all over Europe, and would have cared for his "Comédie humaine" as
much as I do for this rubbish. Ah! my dear René,' he continued with an
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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