Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
But what he regretted in Helen, even more than her gracious tenderness,
was her physical person. From the time that he had become her lover he
had, contrary to all his principles, remained entirely faithful to her,
and this fidelity increased in him the exactitude of the memory of the
senses. He could again see in thought the room in the Rue de Stockholm,
and on the pillow that refined head, its eyes laden with mysterious
voluptuousness. Slight and scarcely observed details recurred to him: a
certain fashion that she had of leaning her pretty face over him, the
aroma which hung about her kisses and their special flavour.
A yearning then seized him, against which he employed the infallible
remedy to which he was accustomed. He felt that he must place between
Helen and himself bodily shapes that might afford his senses a pasture
of beauty, bosoms fit to serve for the modelling of cups, sinking
shoulders worthy of statues, supple hips, slender legs, and skilful
caresses. Such instruments of forgetfulness abound in first-class houses
of pleasure. The young man used them on this occasion, as on others,
even to excess, so that when Helen rang at the door in the Rue Lincoln,
she had come to be almost as great a stranger to him as though he had
never known her.
He was turning over the leaves of a book, lying rather than sitting in
an easy-chair, and waiting until it should be time to dress in order to
rejoin some dinner companions at the club. He was in that condition of
pleasing weariness which heartless pleasure always brings to men who are
wise enough to ask nothing of women but the enjoyment of palpable
beauty. Helen and the intrigue of the previous months were, so far as he
was concerned, shrinking into a background that each day made more
inaccessible than before. It was another chapter to be added to the
others in the mournful romance of gallantry in the course of which his
feelings had been exhausted without being expended.
Already, as he thought about it, he had ceased to feel anything more
than a sick spot in his heart. He was sorry for having so greatly
misunderstood Chazel, but a satisfied conscience softened this sorrow.
Had he not unhesitatingly sacrified to his friend's confidence all the
pleasure that his intrigue might still have brought him? Accordingly, he
experienced the most disagreeable of surprises when, after being
informed by his servant that a lady wished to speak to him, he saw
Helen. She had not taken the trouble to put on a veil. He perceived at a
glance her wasted countenance, her discoloured eyes, her bright and
steady gaze, her bitter lips. Mechanically, he pushed an arm-chair
towards her, which she declined.
"It is not worth while," she said, "what I have to say to you will not
take long. I shall not take up much of your time."
"Well," he thought to himself, "another scene. It shall be the last."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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