Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
She did not say a word to him, and he, too, remained for a moment
without speaking. Mechanically he sought with his eyes for the low
arm-chair which he used formerly to wheel beside her, in order to talk
the better with her. This arm-chair had disappeared, as well as the
couch which formerly had stood crosswise at the corner of the fireplace.
They had spent so many intimate evenings together, seated, she on the
couch and he in the easy-chair! It was no doubt for the purpose of
forgetting those scenes of tenderness that the deserted woman had
banished these pieces of furniture from her home in this room. If he had
known the true reason of the change!
He seated himself on a chair beside her, and taking her hand said to
her:
"I have come to ask you to forgive me."
She withdrew that little hand whose almost convulsive trembling he had
felt. She looked at him with eyes of singular depth. The dark point of
the pupil dilated strangely. Then in a low, almost stifled voice she
replied:
"It is not for me to forgive you. If you have made me unhappy, it was
never your fault. Ah!" she went on, "I am greatly changed. I have been
ill, very ill, but I wished for my son's sake, and for yours also, that
you might not have that upon your conscience. I have thought so much of
you, during so many feverish nights! No, it was not your fault if you
were unable to believe me. Heavens! I have greatly pitied you!"
He listened with infinite gratitude to these words of charity coming
from lips from which his injustice had wrung so many sobs. For a moment
this forgiveness coming to him from his victim melted to tenderness the
weight of remorse, the alleviation of which he had so long sought in
vain, and he said to her in tones of deep emotion:
"What suffering I have caused you!"
"Do not reproach yourself for it," she said, with that angelic mildness
which caused in him so strange a feeling at once of sadness and of
consolation--of sadness, for this mildness betokened so great a
shattering, of consolation, for the balm of this pity penetrated to the
most secret recesses of his wounded heart--"Yes," she went on, shaking
her head, "it is this suffering that has saved me, and it is through it
that I have judged my life. When we parted in the way you know, I
returned here nearly mad, I had to take to my bed for many days, and
unceasingly I found the eyes of the man I had deceived fixed upon me
with devotion and sadness! By what I suffered, I understood the
suffering that I had caused and the evil that I had spread around one.
The shame into which I had fallen appeared to me, and in the presence of
death I inwardly vowed to make every endeavour to become once more a
virtuous woman."
She paused; he saw clearly that she wished to speak to him of the other,
to tell him that man had not been received at her house again; but
was not her silence after the last sentence sufficiently eloquent?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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