Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
"I have come to tell you things that people do not talk about, but you
must listen to me. I am very unhappy, my friend, and for very vulgar
reasons. Ah! there is nothing romantic in my story. It is comprised in a
single line: I love my wife and my wife does not love me. How and how
greatly I love her you cannot understand--no, not even you. I am a
timid, awkward fellow, I know, and have always known. When quite a young
man, I pictured in my dreams the ideal face of a woman. I called her my
madonna--but I am talking nonsense to you. Let me go on. It was she who
comforted me for the rest--those who all treated me with scorn--and it
was she that I loved. When I saw Helen, I found in her a likeness to
this chimera such as I had never met with. Do not smile. Just understand
me. I married her. At first I was quite sensible of the fact that she
was not very happy. I said to myself: Time will bring everything right.
Time has brought nothing right. The martyrdom that it has been to me to
see her dull, wearied, and sad, and to be able to do nothing for
her--ah! no one shall ever know. Especially since we have been living in
Paris, I can see that she is sinking into still greater melancholy, that
her poor face is growing thin and her eyes hollow. She is suffering and
wasting away before my eyes, every day a little more, and I am unable to
do anything and am ignorant of the cause. Can you understand what a
torture it is to see a woman loved as I love her passing away hour by
hour by my very side, and not even to know the reason?"
He had risen as he uttered these words. In proportion as the phrases
came to him, they swept away the plan of discourse which he had prepared
on his way from the Rue de La Rochefoucauld to the Rue Lincoln. He had
allowed himself to feel aloud. He passed his hand across his eyes and
went on:
"I am wandering. Why do I tell you all these things? I have come to ask
you whether you know what is the matter with her."
And he stopped in front of Armand, who also rose. The latter was trying
to guess the object of his old companion's tirade. He was aware that in
a conversation of this kind the chief point is to abstain from informing
one's interlocutor of what he may not know. To Alfred's abrupt question
he replied in the vaguest of formulas:
"Why, how could I know any more than yourself?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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