Adultery -- Fiction; French fiction -- 19th century
"Ah!" she exclaimed, "why do you not tell me that you have ceased to
love me? Why these phrases and this circumspection? Do you think that I
am not brave enough to look reality in the face, whatever it may be? I
swear to you, Armand, that it would be less cruel on your part to tell
me everything at once. Armand, say that you have ceased to love me; I
will not be angry with you, and will go away quite alone with my grief.
A grief that you have caused will still be something of yourself; but do
not leave me in this horrible uncertainty, do not speak so coldly of
going far away from me if you love me. Heavens! what I am enduring!"
Her mouth was distorted with emotion, her breath came short, and tears
started from her eyes, big, heavy tears that flowed down her cheek one
after another, leaving what looked like furrows behind them.
"It is just as I expected," said Armand to himself, and these tears,
instead of softening him, enervated him even to anger. He did not
sympathise with this grief as he had sympathised with Alfred's, perhaps
owing to that difference between the sexes which brings it to pass that
a woman's grief is not always as intelligible to us as that of a
fellow-man; at times, also, the feeling of cowardice that we feel when
giving pain to a mistress so provokes us, by lowering us in our own
eyes, as to exclude tenderness. He had risen, and was walking about the
room, thinking to himself:
"Why not put an end to the whole thing at once?"
Then he added aloud:
"I really do not know what it is that makes you cry. In what I have said
to you there was nothing that did not breathe the deepest affection for
you."
How could she have failed to notice that already he no longer made use
of the word "love."
"But since you require me to speak frankly to you, I will obey you. No;
it is not only on your own account that I request this separation, but
also on my own. There is now a barrier between us, Helen, that a man of
honour cannot cross."
"What is it?" replied Helen, finding strength enough to raise her pale,
tear-stained face.
"The unqualified trust of another man," he answered brusquely. "When
Alfred came here, to this very spot, he did not speak to me of his
jealousy only, he displayed such esteem and friendship towards me as I
forbear from describing to you. He suspected me, and he came to me with
open heart. There is no bitterness, no bitter sentiment in that heart,
but beauty of feeling, straightforwardness and sincerity of friendship.
No, Helen, I can deceive that man no longer. I should despise myself too
much if I did."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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