Last night when I came away from Lizard Point without waiting for
Lessie, I knew that I loved her. That was why I did not stay. I have
sensed the coming of this affection for some time, and I have not set it
down before because I wanted to be sure. To-night I am sure. Last night
I was sure, but I wanted a little time in which to analyze this feeling,
and be positive of it. My sleep was peculiarly sweet and peaceful after
the day of trial. I do not know that I dreamed, but soothing waves of
rest permeated me entirely, and a number of times I was conscious just
enough to know that this unusual sensation possessed me. To-day I have
not touched a book--the first day in years! Think of it. Was not that
alone a portent? I got breakfast mechanically. The kitchen utensils
looked almost strange, and I would pick up a dish and turn it over, and
view it as though I had never seen such a thing befor. Queer, wasn't it?
I wonder if any other man in his senses has acted this way. If he has, I
venture to declare he wouldn't set it down for the world to read. But
why not? We are all children, playing our little games, which are the
same world-old games in different hands. And so, when I stopped and
stared at my skillet this morning as I was washing it--stared till it
turned to a beautiful, laughing, freckled face framed in gold, it was
nothing to shame me. I recall the fact now with the full assurance that
the big majority of my fellow men will not ascribe the action to lunacy.
When I stood in the front door the yard looked the same, but different,
too. The area which I had cleared for the garden was dry, and invited my
spade. Not now, Mr. Earth! You shall have another day's rest before I
drive the steel tines again into you! I walked about, this way and that;
thinking, not thinking. Sometimes I hummed; sometimes I smiled;
sometimes I stood still with open eyes which did not see. All the time I
was aware of some lack, but it was nine o'clock before I realized that I
had not tasted a whiff of smoke. The thought did not make me blush, nor
abash me. I went quietly in and found my pipe on the shelf where I kept
it. It did not stay alight more than two minutes. I was standing at the
place where the road went down when I realized that I was drawing the
atmosphere alone through the stem between my teeth. Then I walked down
to the bench under the pine, thrust my hands in my trousers pockets, sat
down and crossed my legs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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