Looking back over those years it is hard for me to decide whether Norman
was the determining element in my thinking, or whether from different
angles, by different processes of mind, we reached the same conclusions.
Certain it is that many times a conversation with him would precipitate
fluid-vague feelings of mine into the definite crystals of intellectual
convictions. A talk on this subject—of intentions and results—stands
out as clear in my mind as any memory I have of him.
It started, I believe, by some jovial effort of his to lift me out of my
profound discouragement. We had lit our pipes, Guiseppe was clearing
the supper litter from the table. Nina was dividing her attention
between a pile of to-be-darned stockings in her lap and Marie, who was
safe in her cradle and needed no attention at all. Nina was a constant
factor in all our arguments in those days. She was always silent. Much
of our talk must have been far above her comprehension, but she would
sit on the divan, her feet tucked up under her, and listen for hours on
end. Her presence in some subtle way contributed to our discussions.
The ancient Egyptians brought a skeleton to their feasts to remind them
of death. Nina was to us a symbol of life—a silent chorus of actuality.
Some word or look of mine that night showed Norman how desperately
serious was my discouragement, and he dropped his flippant tone.
"After all intentions don’t justify anything. We must demand results.
But what results? When I see a chap, whose efforts I know to be good,
get discouraged, I’m sure he’s looking for the wrong kind of results. Of
course, our unseen, unintentional influence is much greater than the
influence we consciously exert. Some little of it we know about, the
greater part we ignore. You’re worried because some of your
well-intentioned efforts have gone wrong, because our fight for a
reformatory ended in a fizzle. These two cases, you speak of—Jerry and
Lipinsky—are on your mind. There are probably dozens of others, just as
bad, which you don’t know about. Are they the kind of results on which
you have a right to judge your work? I think not.
"The one real result of human activity is knowledge. Zola makes a
character in ’Travail’ say that science is the only true revolutionist.
And if science is something more than dead laboratory data, if it’s live
workable human knowledge, a real aid to straight thinking, he is right.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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