And Suzanne? If anyone should ask me what has become of her, I would
have to reply by a question—"Which Suzanne?" I have seen very little of
the one who came back to America. Once or twice I have encountered her
in public meetings. Three years after I came back from Europe, I
received her wedding cards—an architect named Stone. I knew him
slightly. He seems to be very much in love with his wife. One comes
across their names in the papers quite frequently. They are active
socialists. But Mrs. Stone is a strange and rather unreal personality
to me.
But there is the other Suzanne, her of the slim, boyish form, who tried
to learn to throw stones like a man and was vexed when I laughed at her,
the Suzanne who loved the poppies, the Suzanne of our earnest
discussions, the Suzanne who was a prophetess, the enthusiastic apostle
of the new faith, who like Deborah of old, sang songs of the great
awakening to come, and the Suzanne of Moret—whom I loved. She still
lives. I cannot see that the passing years have in any way dimmed the
vision. Mrs. Stone is getting matronly, her hair is losing its luster.
Suzanne is still straight and slender. There are moments when she comes
to me out of the mystery of dreams and, sitting on the floor, rests her
head—her fearless head—on my knees. I run my fingers through her
amazing hair and try to capture the fitful light of the fire, which
glows there, now so golden, now so red.... And as the dream is sweet,
so is the awakening bitter.
*BOOK VII*
I come now to the last section of my book. There can be no doubt that
it must be about the children.
As I get older, in spite of my best intentions, the work in the Tombs
grows mechanical. Each new prisoner has of course his individual
peculiarities, but I find myself frequently saying: "It’s like a case I
had back in 1900." And it is the same with my writing. It is mostly a
re-statement—I hope a continually better and more forceful statement—of
conclusions I have held for many years.
The light of these later yeans has been my vicarious parentage—these
three young adventurers who call me, "Daddy." I suppose I look at them
with an indulgent eye, magnifying their virtues, ignoring their
limitations. But they seem very wonderful to me. Thinking of them,
watching them, make me sympathize with Moses on Nebo’s lonely mountain.
Through them I catch glimpses of a fairer land than I have known, which
I win never enter.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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