"Picture to yourself what our feelings would be on the day when you
leave us, and when we let you go alone. For my part, I should never
dare to look Périères in the face again, and I am equally certain
that he would never be able to lift his eyes to mine. We should each
go on his own way, with eyes downcast, crest fallen, and blushing for
very shame. When we reached Paris we should be greeted with—'What!
back again already? How about the grand tour? Had it become too
risky? Then why did you start? Did you not know what you had to
expect? Of course you have brought your companion back with you? No!
Do you mean to say that she has gone on? The courage that fails you,
she has; the strength that you lack, she possesses; she does not fear
death, but you did not see it in the same light. Well, every one for
himself in this world. But surely, she would not have started if you
had not gone with her; she relied on your assistance and support, and
suddenly, you deprive her of both—it's a queer business altogether!'
That, believe me, is what would be said in our club, and throughout
Paris, and that is just what we do not want to have said about us.
"But hold our _amour-propre_ as cheap as you like, expose us to
ridicule and contempt, if you will! Let us speak only of your opinion
of us, the only opinion about which we, in reality, care one jot. We
have talked of our devotion, our respect, our affection for you, and
the day when you put these sentiments to real proof, you find
nothing; all have vanished into thin air, respect, affection,
devotion, all taken to flight! You cease to be a widow, and in
twenty-four hours we cease to love you; the one woman in the world
having disappeared for us, the friend disappears with her, and we
have not an idea even of devoting ourselves to the friend. She held
out to us the hope of a reward, the hope is taken away, everything is
at an end, adieu! As she in whose service we were can no longer pay
us, let her live as best she may, let her die when she will, it is no
affair of ours!"
"No, we have duties to fulfil towards ourselves, towards you, and, I
do not hesitate to say it, towards a fellow countryman. There is no
necessity for mentioning his name, nor for saying that he is your
husband. In certain situations all feelings of rivalry, jealousy, or
envy disappear. A European like ourselves, a Frenchman is, perhaps,
suffering, dying in a country we have heard of, and can reach. The
distance which separates him from us is diminished, we have achieved
a third, possibly half the journey, and we must go on to the end. We
agreed to accompany you on a pilgrimage to render homage to the dead;
now we wish to, and we must, bring succour to the living. That is all
I have to say to you in my own name and that of Périères. Pardon my
prolixity; I cannot be silent about my feelings, a thousand thoughts
course through my mind, and I cannot help putting them into words."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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