She begins to realize that he has not done this or that, such as remembering to post a letter or make a purchase or keep an appointment with her; or he has contradicted or opposed her in some judgment concerning practical every-day occurrence. He has not done what he should have done, to be sure; but not only does she not know what that thing is but she has no means of knowing what it is. She therefore is forced to express her dissatisfaction with him in terms of a sphere of impulse with which she is acquainted; namely, the egoistic-social. She cannot talk to him in a language of which she knows not a single word. The relations between a new bride and her husband in their first love episode are those of an examination or test. The bride tests the groom, of course, in the majority of cases unconsciously. There is nothing else for her to do. There is no test she has to meet. By the circumstances of the case she is not required to do anything for the conscious performance of which she is to be judged or tested by anyone. She has not to do but merely to be, to exist—as if, asleep, to be awakened. The unconscious situation is quite the reverse. The husband is the one who is tested. If he fails in any detail of this test there remains in the story of his actions a lacuna which she has no means of filling, but which forms the nucleus of a doubt in her unconscious mind and the centre toward which all subsequent failures on his part tend to congregate in such numbers that she may become later completely skeptical. She will say she knows he loves her. To be sure, he does a thousand little things for her all of egoistic-social, none of truly erotic value. If he even once takes these virtually friendly, unconscious examinings of hers as real evidence of hostility or lack of interest, he is failing her where she feels it most keenly, and is beginning to lose his control of her erotically. If he continues to be switched off the main track by her well-nigh inquisitorial attitude he as much as admits to her that he is not longer able to come up to her standards—a humiliating admission for any man to make to any woman. Kittens are born blind. Women are born love-blind. No woman is other than anesthetic, which means “not perceiving” until she has perceived something. And there is nothing for her to perceive except what her husband does. Woman’s negative control, coming as it does from her anesthesia which is innate in her and is removed only by the proper kind of marriage, makes her “uncertain, coy and hard to please.” If not met and handled erotically by a man who has abandoned autoerotism, it develops in her a degree of opposition, antagonism, obstinacy and resistance that is completely misunderstood by a man without erotic insight. § 137