_The only way actions of any kind can be made better is by introducing into the mind a pattern according to which these actions are to be carried out._ The only means for introducing this pattern into the mind of a man, if he does not already possess it, is by way of the imagination. The various visual, auditory and other images must be created in the mind of the individual before it will be physically possible for him to follow this pattern. Mere verbal reiteration of a clumsily worded command or prohibition _never_ provides the imaginative factor which is the essential one. Prohibitions are discussed elsewhere (§ 197). Thus it appears that the imagination is the vital factor in any action just because it constitutes the pattern of the action. It is always much better psychologically to show or describe a person doing what one desires him to do than in abstract terms, to tell him to do it. § 168 Therefore a love pattern is needed. It is needed by the husband in order that he may control the erotic situation. It is not needed by the wife in order that she may control, for in the erotic sphere control is not hers nor does she want it; but it is needed by her in order to know whether or not she is being properly controlled erotically. As no two individuals are alike, this makes it evident that the function of the husband necessary to create a happy marriage is to emphasize the mental (or hypersomatic) side of it, for the purpose of including every physical aspect in the most comprehensive way. Again it must be reiterated that instinct alone can never _guarantee_ a successful married life. The erotologist knows full well that the husband, relying on instinct alone, remains unutterably selfish, and therefore anesthetic, in thousands of cases; and that he can, if he has the confidence of knowledge, make of his wife a whole wife and not, as in the majority of cases a fragmentary wife. A man should not let his wife remain fragmentary. He should not be content with either the domestic-servant fragment or the cook fragment, nor should he regard her solely as washwoman, stenographer or performer of any other essentially egoistic-social function. “Wife” should be restored to its original Anglo-Saxon concept of “the trembler,” i.e., the thrilled woman. Many men on the contrary speak of “the” wife, exactly as they would say “the” cook, or “the” chambermaid. Instinct alone, which is purely selfish, in spite of its occasional marvellous faculty of providing for the future of others, can in almost none of the intimate marital relations insure a continuance of completely satisfactory love episodes. Continuance of these alone cements married love and furnishes the foundation for a truly artistic erotic superstructure—a love mansion, having a beauty far surpassing the lust hovels in which, after their tinsel and gingerbread honeymoon cottages, the average married pair spend the remainder of their lives. § 169