Both of these may be taught, if they can be made to see their false positions. Those who overweight the physical motive can, unless their intelligence is of too low an order, be made to see eventually, that they are contenting themselves, or trying to make themselves content, with much less happiness than they are capable of. Those who overemphasize the egoistic-social end of their relation to their spouses, can be instructed in love, so that they can raise their union to the higher order, unless, of course, there is the comparatively rare absolute incompatibility of temperament. Marriage need not in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred be dissolved. Within reasonable limits; that is, excluding the widest possible divergence of taste and interests, almost any man can learn to control the erotism of almost any woman, if he wishes to take the trouble to learn how to do it. § 172 Most emphatically this does not mean that the control here referred to is all there is to a perfect marriage. It has been reiterated that the erotic control is only the foundation, but important as all foundations are. The erotic control leads not only to the maximum egoistic-social freedom, but to the greatest possible development of each of the partners’ distinctive personality. The love confidence gained by the establishment of the one-way control in the erotic sphere only opens the windows of the house of love to the invigorating air of the outdoor world. The unhappily married are unhappy because each is watching the other continually, devoting to this conscious and unconscious surveillance so much energy that either they have none left for the development of the properly subordinated egoistic-social interests or they lose so much energy in the unconscious conflict that they tend to become neurotic. The unhappy married ones’ lack of love confidence is the most deeply gnawing care known to human misery. No egoistic-social interest of either but is regarded by the other as drawing him or her away. § 173 The marriage of two young people need not be postponed over a month or two after they have learned enough of each other to be sure that they are placing each motive, the love motive and the egoistic-social motive, in the proper relations to the other; namely, that the egoistic motive is recognized as being of less value toward their happiness. No fears should be allowed to enter their minds about the happiness of their marriage. Birth control should prevent any fear from the egoistic-economic point of view. § 174