PARDONER. By that boast thou seemest a beggar indeed, What can thy quietness help us at need? If we should starve, thou hast not, I think, One penny to buy us one pot of drink. Nay, if riches might rule the roost, Behold what cause I have to boast! Lo, here be[458] pardons half a dozen, For ghostly riches they have no cousin. And moreover to me they bring Sufficient succour for my living. And here be[459] relics of such a kind, As in this world no man can[460] find, Kneel down all three, and when ye leave kissing, Who list to offer shall have my blessing. Friends, here shall ye see even anon Of All-Hallows the blessed jaw-bone,[461] Kiss it hardily with good devotion. 'POTHECARY. This kiss shall bring us much promotion. Foh, by St Saviour, I never kissed a worse; Ye were as good kiss All-Hallows' arse; For, by All-Hallows, yet me-thinketh, That All-Hallows' breath stinketh. PALMER. Ye judge All-Hallows' breath unknown: If any breath stink, it is your own. 'POTHECARY. I know mine own breath from All-Hallows, Or else it were time to kiss the gallows. PARDONER. Nay, sirs, behold, here may ye see The great toe of the Trinity: Who to this toe any money voweth, And once may roll it in his mouth, All his life after, I undertake, He shall never be vexed with the toothache.[462] 'POTHECARY. I pray you turn that relic about: Either[463] the Trinity had the gout, Or else, because it is three toes in one, God made it as much[464] as three toes alone. PARDONER. Well, let that pass, and look upon this. Here is a relic that doth not miss To help the least as well as the most: This is a buttock-bone of Pentecost. 'POTHECARY. By Christ, and yet for all your boast, This relic hath beshitten the roast. PARDONER. Mark well this relic: here is a whipper, My friends[465] unfeigned: here[466] is a slipper Of one of the Seven Sleepers, be sure.[467] Doubtless this kiss shall do you great pleasure; For all these two days it shall so ease you, That none other savours shall displease you. 'POTHECARY. All these two days! nay, all these[468] two years; For all the savours that may come here Can be no worse; for at a word One of the seven sleepers trod in a turd. PEDLAR. Sir, me-thinketh your devotion is but small. PARDONER. Small! marry me-thinketh he hath none at all. 'POTHECARY. What the devil care I what ye think? Shall I praise relics, when they stink? PARDONER. Here is an eye-tooth of the Great Turk. Whose eyes be once set on this piece of work, May happily lese part of his eyesight, But not till he be blind outright. 'POTHECARY. Whatsoever any other man seeth, I have no devotion unto[469] Turks' teeth: For although I never saw a greater, Yet me-thinketh I have seen many better. PARDONER. Here is a box full of humble bees, That stang Eve as she sat on her knees, Tasting the fruit to her forbidden. Who kisseth the bees within this hidden, Shall have as much pardon of right, As for any relic he kissed this night.