RALPH. And I will not your company refuse of a certainty, So that to my conditions your manners do agree. TOM. It should appear by your sayings, that we are of one mind, For I know that roisters and tosspots come of one kind; And as our names be much of one accord, and much like, So I think our conditions be not far unlike. RALPH. If your name to me you will declare and show, You may in this matter my mind the sooner know. TOM. Few words are best among friends, this is true; Wherefore I shall briefly show my name unto you. Tom Tosspot it is, it need not to be painted: Wherefore I with Ralph Roister must needs be acquainted. NEW. In faith, Ralph Roister, if thou wilt be ruled by me, We will dance hand in hand, like knaves all three: It is as unpossible for thee his company to deny, As it is for a camel to creep through a needle's eye. Therefore bid him welcome, like a knave as thou art. RALPH. By my troth, Tom Tosspot, you are welcome with all my heart. TOM. I thank you that my acquaintance ye will take in good part. And by my troth, I will be your sworn brother: NEW. Tush, like will to like: it will be none other. For the virtuous will always virtue's company seek out: A gentleman never seeketh the company of a lout; And roisters and ruffians do sober company eschew: For like will ever to like, this is most true. RALPH. Now, friend Tom Tosspot, seeing that we are brethren sworn, And neither of our companies from other may be forborne, The whole trade of my life to thee I will declare. TOM. And to tell you my property also I shall not spare. NEW. Then, my masters, if you will awhile abide it, Ye shall see two such knaves so lively described That, if hell should be raked even by and by indeed, Such another couple cannot be found, I swear by my creed. Go to, sirs, say on your whole minds, And I shall paint you out in your right kinds. First, Tom Tosspot, plead thou thy cause and thy name, And I will sit in this chair, and give sentence on the same. I will play the judge, and in this matter give judgment: How say you, my masters, are you not so content? RALPH. By my troth, for my part, thereto I do agree. TOM. I were to blame, if any fault should be in me. NEW. Then that I be in office, neither of you do grudge? BOTH. No, indeed. NEW. Where learn'd you to stand capp'd before a judge? You souterly[337] knaves, show you all your manners at once? RALPH. Why, Nichol, all we are content. NEW. And am I plain Nichol? and yet it is in my arbitrement To judge which of you two is the verier knave. I am Master Nichol Newfangle, both gay and brave; For, seeing you make me your judge, I trow, I shall teach you both your liripup[338] to know. [_He fighteth._