SIMPLICITY. This is as my cousin and I went to Master Nemo's house: There was nobody to bid a dog drink, or to change a man a louse. But Lady Conscience--nay, who there?--scratch that name away! Can she be a lady that is turned out of all her beray?[204] Do not be call'd more lady, and if you be wise, For everybody will mock you, and say you be not worth two butterflies. CONSCIENCE. What remedy, Simplicity? I cannot do withal. But what shall we go do? or whereto shall we fall? SIMPLICITY. Why, to our victuals: I know nothing else we have to do? And mark, if I cannot eat twenty times as much as you. CONSCIENCE. If I go lie in an inn, I shall be sore grieved to see The deceit of the ostler, the polling of the tapster, as in most houses of lodging they be. If in a brewer's house, at the over-plenty of water and the scarceness of malt I should grieve, Whereby to enrich themselves all other with unsavoury thin drink they deceive: If in a tanner's house, with his great deceit in tanning; If in a weaver's house, with his great cosening in weaving. If in a baker's house, with light bread and very evil working; If in a chandler's, with deceitful weights, false measures, selling for a halfpenny that is scant worth a farthing; And if in an alehouse, with the great resort of poor unthrifts, that with swearing at the cards consume their lives, Having greater delight to spend a shilling that way, than a groat at home to sustain their needy children and wives. For which I judge it best for me to get some solitary place, Where I may with patience this my heavy cross embrace, And learn to sell[220] broom, whereby to get my living, Using that as a quiet mean to keep myself from begging.-- Wherefore, Simplicity, if thou wilt do the like, Settle thyself to it, and with true labour thy living do seek. [_Exit_ CONSCIENCE. SIMPLICITY. No, faith, Mistress Conscience, I'll not; for, and I should sell[205] broom, The maids would cosen me to competually with their old shoon. And, too, I cannot work, and you would hang me out of the way; For when I was a miller, Will did grind the meal, while I did play. Therefore I'll have as easy an occupation as I had when my father was alive. Faith, I'll go even a-begging: why, 'tis a good trade; a man shall be sure to thrive; For I am sure my prayers will get bread and cheese, and my singing will get me drink. Then shall not I do better than Mistress Conscience? tell me as you think. Therefore god Pan in the kitchen, and god Pot in the buttery, Come and resist me, that I may sing with the more meliosity. But, sirs, mark my cauled countenance, when I begin. But yonder is a fellow[206] that gapes to bite me, or else to eat that which I sing. Why, thou art a fool; canst thou not keep thy mouth strait together? And when it comes, snap at it, as my father's dog would do at a liver. But thou art so greedy, That thou thinkest to eat it before it comes nigh thee.