SIMPLICITY. Best of all, for I mean plainly, and will pay, if I lose. Here's my six ballads: they be ready. Now, how shall I come by your six stripes, boy? WIT. Down with your breeches, I'll fetch a rod and deliver them straight. SIMPLICITY. Nay, then, I care not, if thou keep stakes. WIT. You speak too late, gaffer, having challenged preheminence. SIMPLICITY. Then, let's lay no wager, but sing for good fellowship. WIT. Agreed. Who shall begin? SIMPLICITY. O boy! who is the elder? Hast thou not heard, give flounders to thy elder? WIT. You mistake the fish: trust me, I am sure 'tis give plaice; but begin with a good grace. [_Here_ SlMP. _sings first and_ WIT _after, dialoguewise: both to music, if ye will_. WIT. Now, sirs, which sings best? SIMPLICITY. Tush, your copesmates shall not judge. Friend, what say you? which of us sings best? [_To one of the auditory_. WILL. To say truth, there's but a bad choice. How will you sell the ballad you sang, for I'll not buy the voice? SIMPLICITY. Why wilt thou not buy my voice? WILL. Because it will cost me more money to buy sallet-oil to keep it from rusting, than it is worth. But, I pray ye, honest man, what's this? SIMPLICITY. Read, and thou shalt see. WILL. I cannot read. SIMPLICITY. Not read, and brought up in London! Went'st thou never to school? WILL. Yes, but I would not learn. SIMPLICITY. Thou wast the more fool. If thou cannot read, I'll tell thee. This is Tarlton's picture. Didst thou never know Tarlton?[239] WILL. No: what was that Tarlton? I never knew him. SIMPLICITY. What was he? A prentice in his youth of this honourable city, God be with him. When he was young, he was leaning to the trade that my wife useth now, and I have used, _vide lice shirt_,[240] water-bearing. I-wis, he hath toss'd a tankard in Corn-hill ere now: If thou knew'st him not, I will not call thee ingram;[241] but if thou knewest not him, thou knewest nobody. I warrant, here's two crack-ropes knew him. WIT. I dwelt with him. SIMPLICITY. Didst thou? now, give me thy hand: I love thee the better. WILL. And I, too, sometime. SIMPLICITY. You, child! did you dwell with him sometime? Wit dwelt with him, indeed, as appeared by his rhyme, And served him well; and Will was with him now and then. But, soft, thy name is Wealth: I think in earnest he was little acquainted with thee. O, it was a fine fellow, as e'er was born: There will never come his like, while the earth can corn. O passing fine Tarlton! I would thou hadst lived yet. WEALTH. He might have some, but thou showest small wit. There is no such fineness in the picture that I see.[242] SIMPLICITY. Thou art no Cinque-Port man; thou art not wit-free. The fineness was within, for without he was plain; But it was the merriest fellow, and had such jests in store That, if thou hadst seen him, thou would'st have laughed thy heart sore. WEALTH. Because of thy praise, what's the price of the picture?