MEN. I helped Herodotus to pen some part of his "Muses";[211] lent Pliny ink to write his history; rounded Rabelais in the ear,[212] when he historified Pantagruel: as for Lucian, I was his genius. O, those two books "De Vera Historia," howsoever they go under his name, I'll be sworn I writ them every tittle. APP. Sure as I am hungry, thou'st have it for lying. But hast thou rusted this latter time for want of exercise? MEN. Nothing less. I must confess I would fain have jogged Stow and great Hollingshed on their elbows, when they were about their chronicles; and, as I remember, Sir John Mandeville's "Travels" and a great part of the "Decads"[213] were of my doing. But for the "Mirror of Knighthood," "Bevis of Southampton," "Palmerin of England," "Amadis of Gaul," "Huon de Bordeaux," "Sir Guy of Warwick," "Martin Marprelate," "Robin Hood," "Garragantua," "Gerileon," and a thousand such exquisite monuments as these, no doubt but they breathe in my breath up and down. APP. Downwards, I'll swear, for there's stinking lies in them. MEN. But what, should I light a candle to the bright sunshine of my glorious renown? The whole world is full of Mendacio's fame. APP. And so it will be so long as the world is full of fame. MEN. But, sirrah, how hast thou done this long time? APP. In as much request as thyself. To begin with the court, as thou didst: I lie with the ladies all night, and that's the reason they call for cullies and gruellies so early before their prayers. Your gallants never sup, breakfast, or bever[214] without me. MEN. That's false, for I have seen them eat with a full stomach. APP. True, but because they know a little thing drives me from them, therefore in midst of meat they present me with some sharp sauce or a dish of delicate anchovies, or a caviare,[215] to entice me back again. Nay, more: your old sires, that hardly go without a prop, will walk a mile or two every day to renew their acquaintance with me. As for the academy, it is beholding to me for adding the eighth province unto the noble Heptarchy of the liberal sciences.[216] MEN. What's that, I prythee? APP. The most desired and honourable art of cookery. Now, sirrah, in the city I am------'st, 'st! O, the body of a louse! MEN. What, art a louse in the city? APP. Not a word more; for yonder comes Phantastes and somebody else. MEN. What a pox can Phantastes do? APP. Work a miracle, if he would prove wise. MEN. 'Tis he indeed, the vilest nup.[217] Yet the fool loves me exceedingly; but I care not for his company, for if he once catch me, I shall never be rid of him. [_Exeunt_ APPETITUS _and_ MENDACIO. SCAENA SECUNDA.