TAF. Ah! how light he treads, For dirting his silk stockings! I'll tell thee what, A witty woman may with ease distinguish All men by their noses, as thus: your nose Tuscan is lovely, large and broad, Much like a goose: your valiant generous nose, A crooked, smooth and a great puffing nose; Your scholar's nose is very fresh and raw, For want of fire in winter, and quickly smells His chops of mutton in his dish of porridge; Your puritan nose is very sharp and long (Much like your widow's!)[333] and with ease can smell An edifying capon some few[334] streets off. _Enter_ BOUTCHER _and_ CONSTANTIA. ADRI.[335] O mistress! a very proper gentleman. TAF. And trust me, so he is; I never saw A man that sooner could captive my thoughts (Since I writ widow) than this gentleman. I would he would look up! ADRI. I'll laugh so loud, That he may hear me. TAF. That's not so good. BOUT. And spake you with Master Small-shanks? CON. I did. BOUT. Will he meet his brother? CON. He said he would, And I believed him. I tell you, master, I have done that for many of these gallants That no man in this town would do but I. BOUT. What is that, boy? CON. Why, trust them on their words? But will you hear the news, which now supplies The city with discourse? BOUT. What is it, wag? CON. This, sir: they say some of our city dames Were much desirous to see the baboons Do their newest tricks: went, saw them, came home: Went to bed, slept; next morning one of them, Being to shift a smock, sends down her maid To warm her one; meanwhile, she gins to think On the baboons' tricks, and (naked in her bed) Begins to practise some: at last she strove To get her right leg over her head thus; And by her activity she got it 'Cross her shoulder; but not with all her power Could she reduce[336] it: at last [she, with] much struggling, Tumbles quite from the bed upon the floor. The maid by this return'd with the warm smock, And seeing her mistress thrown on the ground, Truss'd up like a football, exclaims, calls help, Runs down amaz'd, swears that her mistress' neck Is broke: up comes her husband and neighbours. And finding her thus truss'd, some flatly said She was bewitch'd--others she was possess'd: A third said for her pride the devil had set Her face where her rump should stand; but at last Her valiant husband steps me boldly to her, Helps her: she ashamed, her husband amazed, The neighbours laughing, as none forbear, She tells them of the fatal accident. To which one answers that, if her husband Would leave his trade, and carry his wife about To do this trick in public, she'd get more gold Than all the baboons, calves with two tails, Or motions[337] whatsoever. BOUT. You are a wag.