A COWARDLY LOVE.
"Howso'er I stray or range,
Whate'er I do, thou dost not change;
I steadier step when I recall
That if I slip thou dost not fall."
--CLOUGH.
"Have you buried your happiness? Well, live bravely on. The plant
does not die though all its flowers be broken off. It remembers
that spring will surely come again."
Roland and Denasia were in Liverpool. They were full of hopes and of
prudent plans. Roland had again turned over a new leaf; he had
renounced his past self--the faults he could no longer commit; he had
renounced also his future faults. If he was a little extravagant in
every way for a day or two before making so eventful a voyage, he felt
that Denasia ought not to complain. Alas! it is not the renunciation
of our past and future selves that is difficult; it is the steady
denial of our present self which makes the disciple.
They spent two pleasant days in Liverpool, and on the eve of the
second went to the wonderful piers and saw the vast companies of
steamers smudging the blue sky with their lowering clouds of black
smoke. Denasia clung closely to Roland; she felt that she was going
into a new world, and she looked with a questioning love into his
eyes, as if she could read her fortune in them. Roland was unusually
gay and hopeful. He reminded his wife that the mind and the heart
could not be changed by place or time. He said that they had each
other to begin the new life with, and he was very sure they would soon
possess their share of every other good thing. And Denasia fell asleep
to his hopeful predictions.
In the morning all was changed. The sun was hidden behind banks of
black clouds, the streets were plashy and muddy, the fierce showers
smote the windows like hail, and the view outside was narrowed to a
procession of dripping umbrellas. It was chilly, too, and the hotel
was inexpressibly dreary and uncomfortable. Greatly to Denasia's
astonishment, Roland was already dressed. All his hopes were fled. He
was despondent and strangely woe-begone and indifferent. He said he
had had a miserable dream. He did not think now it was right to go to
America; they would do nothing there. He wished they were at
Broadstairs; he had been a fool to mind the chatter of men who were
probably guying him; he wished Denas had not urged the plan; if she
had only stood firm, etc., etc., etc.
Denasia looked at him with amazement and with some anger. She reminded
him that the American idea was entirely his own. She wondered what
stuff he was made of, to be so dashed and quailed by a dream. She said
that she also had had a bad dream. They had both eaten late; and as
for dreams, everyone knew they went by contraries. And as limp
spirits like to lean, Roland was soon glad to lean upon Denasia's
bravery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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