"DENASIA, MY DEAR:--You have ceased to love me and I have ceased
to love you. You are miserable and I am miserable. We have made a
great mistake, and we must do all we can to correct it. When you
read this I shall be on my way to England. I advise you to go back
to your parents for a year. You may in that time recover your
beauty and your voice. It may be well then to go to Italy and give
yourself an opportunity to obtain the education I see now you
ought to have had at the first. But until that is practicable we
are better apart. You will find fifty dollars in the white gloves
lying on the dressing-case. I advise you to take a sailing-vessel;
a long voyage will do you good and will be much cheaper. It is
what I have done. Farewell.
"ROLAND."
She read every word and then glanced at the cradle. The child moved.
With the letter in her hand she soothed it and then sat down again.
She was overwhelmed with the shameful wrong. But to cry out and wring
her hands and call in the neighbours to see and hear what things she
suffered was not her way. Often she had seen her mother sitting
speechless and motionless for hours while her father hung between life
and death; it was natural for Denasia to take unavoidable sorrow with
the same dumb patience.
Then she began to analyse the specious sentences and to deny the
things asserted. "I have not ceased to love. Every hour of the day my
life has been a witness to my love. I never said I was miserable.
Nothing had power to make me quite miserable if Roland was kind to me.
He is on his way to England. Of course he has gone to his sister. What
did her sweet complaints and regrets at not having his help and
company mean but 'Come to me, Roland'? She has lost her own husband
and now she must have mine. She has always been my evil angel. When
she was kindest to me it was only a different way of serving herself.
My soul warned me; my father warned me. She is one of those human
vampires who suck love, luck, life itself from all near them, and who
slay, and rob, and smile, and caress while they do it. And I am to go
home for a year and get back my beauty and my voice. I am sorry I ever
was beautiful. If I can help it I will never sing another song. Go
home and shame my good father and mother for his sake? Go home and be
lectured and advised and reproved by every woman in the village? Go
home a deserted wife, a failure in everything? No; I will not go home.
Nor will I go to Italy. I have had more than enough of singing for my
living and his living, too. I will sew, I will wash, I will go to
service, I will do anything with my hands I can do; but I will not
sing. And I will bring up my boy to work at real work, if it is but to
make a horseshoe out of a lump of iron! God! what a foolish woman I
have been! What a silly, vain, loving woman! My heart will break! My
heart will break! Alone, alone! Sick, helpless, ignorant, alone!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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