She felt no anger toward Denasia, however. Denasia was only the hidden
rock on which her frail, unknown love-bark had struck and gone down.
And she was constrained to admit that, so far as she herself was
concerned, Roland was innocent. She had, indeed, often felt hurt at
his restraint and want of response. In her pure, simple heart she had
called it pride, shyness, indifference; but she understood now that
this poor, weak soul had at least not lacked honour.
So that there was in this apparently peaceful, comfortable home two
vital conflicts going on: the struggle of a noble soul to slay love,
the struggle of unpitying death to slay life. About the ninth day
Roland, though weak, had some favourable symptoms, and there were good
hopes of his recovery. He talked with Denasia at intervals, and
assured of her forgiveness and love, slept peacefully with his hand in
his wife's hand.
A few days later, however, he appeared to be much depressed. His dark,
sunken eyes gazed wistfully at Mr. Lanhearne, and he asked to be alone
with him for a little while. "I am going to die," he said, with a face
full of vague, melancholy fear. The look was so childlike, so like
that of an infant soul afraid of some perilous path, that Mr.
Lanhearne could not avoid weeping, though he answered:
"No, my dear Roland. The doctor says that the worst is over."
Roland smiled with pleasure at the fatherly dropping of the formal
"Mr.," but he reiterated the assertion with a more decided manner. "I
am going to die. Will you see that my wife goes back to England to her
father and mother?"
"I will. Is there anything else?"
"No. She knows all that is to be done. Comfort her a little when I am
dead."
"My dear Roland, we are going to Florida as soon as you are able."
"I am going to a country much farther off. I will tell you how I know.
All my life long a figure formless, veiled, and like a shadow has come
to me at any crisis. When I was striving for honours at my college it
whispered, 'you will not succeed.' When I went to my first business
desk it brought me the same message. The night before I sailed for
America it stood at my bedside, and I heard the one word, 'failure.'
This afternoon it told me, 'you have come to the end of your life.'
Then my soul said, 'Oh, my enemy, who art thou?' And there grew out of
the dimness the likeness of a face."
For a few moments there was a silence painful and profound. Roland
closed his eyes, and from under their lids stole two large tears--the
last he would ever shed. And Mr. Lanhearne was so awed and troubled he
could scarcely say:
"A face! Whose face, then, Roland?"
"My own! My own!" and he spoke with that patience of accepted doom
which, while it carries the warrant of death, has also death's
resignation and dignity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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