She was very ill indeed, and for four weeks confined to her room; and
when she was able to consider a return to the hall, Roland found that
her place had been taken by a Spanish singer with a mandolin and a
wonderful dance. That was really a serious disappointment to the young
couple, for during the month money had been going out and none coming
in. For even when Denasia had been making twenty-five pounds a week,
they had lived and dressed up to the last shilling; so that a month's
enforced idleness and illness placed them deeply in debt and
uncomfortably pressed for the wherewithal to meet debt.
Denasia also had been much weakened by her illness. Her fine form and
colour were impaired, she was nervous and despondent; and a
suffering, sickly wife was quite out of Roland's calculations and
very much out of his sympathies. Poverty had a bad effect upon him. To
be without money to buy the finest brand of cigars, to be annoyed by
boarding-house keepers, tailors, and costumers, to have to buy
medicines with cash when he was without his usual luxuries, was a
condition of affairs that struck Roland as extremely improper for a
young man of his family and education.
And he disliked now to interview managers. Mademoiselle Denasia was a
recognised member of the profession which more than any other demands
that everyone stand upon their merits; and Denasia had not been a very
pronounced success. She remained just about where she had begun, and
managers naturally thought that she had done the best of which she was
capable. That best was not a phenomenal one, and Roland, as her
husband and business agent, received no extraordinary amount of
respect. He was offended where he had no reason for offence--offended
often because everyone did not recognise him as a member of an old
Cornish family and the son of an ex-lord mayor of London. Often he
felt obliged, in order to satisfy his own self-respect, to make the
fact known; and the chaff, or indifference, or incredulity, with which
his claims were received made him change his opinions regarding the
"jolly company of actors." In fact, he was undoubtedly at this period
of Denasia's career her very worst enemy; for whatever Denasia might
be, Roland and his pretensions were usually regarded as a great bore.
One afternoon in May he became thoroughly disgusted with the life he
had chosen for himself. The bright sunshine made the shabby carpet and
tawdry furniture and soiled mirrors intolerably vulgar. They had just
finished a badly cooked, crossly served, untidy dinner, and Roland had
no cigar to mend it. Denasia had not eaten at all; she lay on the
bright blue sofa with shut eyes, and her faded beauty and faded dress
were offensive to the fastidious young man.
She was thinking of her father's cottage, of the love at its hearth,
and of the fresh salt winds blowing all around it. Roland half-divined
her thoughts, and his own wandered to Burrell Court and his
long-neglected sister.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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