"You surprise me, Paolina!" he said. "Would it have been better if I had
concealed all this from you? Many men,--most men perhaps, in similar
circumstances would have done so. But I cannot treat you in that way. I
have been, and would always be open and sincere to you in all things.
You know all about this match. You know that it is a family arrangement
managed by my uncle. You know, that if I wished it ever so much, I can't
avoid it. You know, or ought to know, that it is not, and cannot be a
matter of affection in any way. You know that in the world such
marriages are arranged and are known and understood to be arranged, for
reasons, and on ground with which love has nothing to do. Does not all
Ravenna know, including the lady herself doubtless, that I am to marry
her because she is the great-niece of the Cardinal Legate? Can I be
expected to love her, because she is the Cardinal's niece? Surely, my
Paolina, you are not speaking or thinking of this matter, with your
usual good sense!"
"I can't help it, Ludovico; I am, at all events speaking with my whole
heart!" she said in a tone of profound sadness. "If what you say is
true,--and do not imagine, dearest, that I have the smallest doubt that
all you say to me is entirely and perfectly true,--just think of the lot
of that povera Contessa Violante! Poverina! I dare say she,--think of
the wrong I should be doing her! Think how she would hate me!" She
shuddered as she spoke. "Nobody, I think, ever hated me yet," she
continued; "and it seems to me so horrible to be hated. And more
horrible still to know that I should be justly hated! And then, tesoro
mio!--Mio!--How could I ever say mio? Never, never, never, mio!" she
cried, bursting into passionate tears. "No, never mine! The very word
itself, which comes so naturally to my lips, tells me, like a knell in
my heart, that it can never be!"
"But, Paolina, angiola mia," said Ludovico, who had heard her with a
look of consternation, "what has thus changed you? For it is a change.
You knew all these things before. What has occurred to put such notions
into your mind all of a sudden?"
"Not all of a sudden, Ludovico! The blessed Virgin knows for how many
sad and solitary hours I have been thinking, and thinking, and thinking
of all this! She knows how many nights I have passed in tears to think
of it. What has put it into my head, you say? Ludovico, it is my love
for you that has put it into my head! It is my strong love that has
opened my eyes, and made me see that I cannot--cannot--I mean--that I
cannot share your love with another!"
The words came forced from her with a great effort, and with a sob that
seemed as if it would choke her.
"Oh my Paolina, what words are these?" said he, his own voice trembling
with trouble and emotion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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