vociferation, for the same thing at once. It was a moment of the golden
age--representing too but a snatch of elation, since the wretched Arctic
had gone down in mortal woe and her other companion, the Pacific,
leaving England a few months later and under the interested eyes of our
family group, then temporarily settled in London, was never heard of
more. Let all of which show again what traps are laid about me for
unguarded acute reminiscence.
I meet another of these, though I positively try to avoid it, in the
sense of a day spent on the great fusty curtained bed, a mediaeval
four-poster such as I had never seen, of the hotel at the London and
North-Western station, where it appeared, to our great inconvenience,
that I had during the previous months somewhere perversely absorbed
(probably on Staten Island upwards of a year before) the dull seed of
malaria, which now suddenly broke out in chills and fever. This
condition, of the intermittent order, hampered our movements but left
alternate days on which we could travel, and as present to me as ever is
the apprehended interest of my important and determinant state and of
our complicated prospect while I lay, much at my ease--for I recall in
particular certain short sweet times when I could be left alone--with
the thick and heavy suggestions of the London room about me, the very
smell of which was ancient, strange and impressive, a new revelation
altogether, and the window open to the English June and the far off hum
of a thousand possibilities. I consciously took them in, these last, and
must then, I think, have first tasted the very greatest pleasure perhaps
I was ever to know--that of almost holding my breath in presence of
certain aspects to the end of so taking in. It was as if in those hours
that precious fine art had been disclosed to me--scantly as the poor
place and the small occasion might have seemed of an order to promote
it. We seize our property by an avid instinct wherever we find it, and I
must have kept seizing mine at the absurdest little rate, and all by
this deeply dissimulative process of taking in, through the whole
succession of those summer days. The next application of it that stands
out for me, or the next that I make room for here, since I note after
all so much less than I remember, is the intensity of a fond
apprehension of Paris, a few days later, from the balcony of an hotel
that hung, through the soft summer night, over the Rue de la Paix. I
hung with the balcony, and doubtless with my brothers and my sister,
though I recover what I felt as so much relation and response to the
larger, the largest appeal only, that of the whole perfect Parisianism I
seemed to myself always to have possessed mentally--even if I had but
just turned twelve!--and that now filled out its frame or case for me
from every lighted window, up and down, as if each of these had been,
for strength of sense, a word in some immortal quotation, the very
breath of civilised lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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