low as I could well be laid for many weeks, condemned me to a
convalescence so arduous that I saw my apparently scant possibilities,
by the measure of them then taken, even as through a glass darkly, or
through the expansive blur for which I found just above a homely image.
This experience was to become when I had emerged from it the great
reminiscence or circumstance of old Boulogne for me, and I was to regard
it, with much intelligence, I should have maintained, as the marked
limit of my state of being a small boy. I took on, when I had decently,
and all the more because I had so retardedly, recovered, the sense of
being a boy of other dimensions somehow altogether, and even with a new
dimension introduced and acquired; a dimension that I was eventually to
think of as a stretch in the direction of essential change or of living
straight into a part of myself previously quite unvisited and now made
accessible as by the sharp forcing of a closed door. The blur of
consciousness imaged by my grease-spot was not, I hasten to declare,
without its relenting edges and even, during its major insistence,
fainter thicknesses; short of which, I see, my picture, the picture I
was always so incurably "after," would have failed of animation
altogether--quite have failed to bristle with characteristics, with
figures and objects and scenic facts, particular passages and moments,
the stuff, in short, of that scrap of minor gain which I have spoken of
as our multiplied memories. Wasn't I even at the time, and much more
later on, to feel how we had been, through the thick and thin of the
whole adventure, assaulted as never before in so concentrated a way by
local and social character? Such was the fashion after which the
Boulogne of long ago--I have known next to nothing of it since--could
come forth, come more than half-way, as we say, to meet the imagination
open to such advances. It was, taking one thing with another, so verily
drenched in character that I see myself catching this fine flagrancy
almost equally in everything; unless indeed I may have felt it rather
smothered than presented on the comparatively sordid scene of the
College Communal, not long afterwards to expand, I believe, into the
local Lycee, to which the inimitable process of our education promptly
introduced us. I was to have less of the College than my elder and my
younger brother, thanks to the interrupting illness that placed me so
long, with its trail of after-effects, half complacently, half ruefully
apart; but I suffered for a few early weeks the mainly malodorous sense
of the braver life, produced as this was by a deeply democratic
institution from which no small son even of the most soapless home could
possibly know exclusion. Odd, I recognise, that I should inhale the air
of the place so particularly, so almost only, to that dismal effect;
since character was there too, for whom it should concern, and my view
of some of the material conditions, of the general collegiate presence
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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