in clumsy interfering hands and with almost no notice given, in a day,
in an hour. Besides connecting me with the lost but unforgotten note of
waiting service and sympathy that quavered on the Merridew air, they
represented just for intrinsic charm more than I could at any moment
have given a plain account of; they fell, by their ineffable history,
every trio I ever touched, into the category of such prized phenomena as
my memory, for instance, of fairly hanging about the Rue des Vieillards,
at the season I speak of, through the apprehension that something vague
and sweet--if I shouldn't indeed rather say something of infinite future
point and application--would come of it. This is a reminiscence that
nothing would induce me to verify, as for example by any revisiting
light; but it was going to be good for me, good, that is, for what I was
pleased to regard as my intelligence or my imagination, in fine for my
obscurely specific sense of things, that I _should_ so have hung about.
The name of the street was by itself of so gentle and intimate a
persuasion that I must have been ashamed not to proceed, for the very
grace of it, to some shade of active response. And there was always a
place of particular arrest in the vista brief and blank, but inclusively
blank, blank _after_ ancient, settled, more and more subsiding things,
blank almost, in short, with all Matthew Arnold's "ennui of the middle
ages," rather than, poorly and meanly and emptily, before such states,
which was previously what I had most known of blankness. This determined
pause was at the window of a spare and solitary shop, a place of no
amplitude at all, but as of an inveterate cheerful confidence, where,
among a few artists' materials, an exhibited water-colour from some
native and possibly then admired hand was changed but once in ever so
long. That was perhaps after all the pivot of my revolution--the
question of whether or no I should at a given moment find the old
picture replaced. I made this, when I had the luck, pass for an
event--yet an event which would _have_ to have had for its scene the
precious Rue des Vieillards, and pale though may be the recital of such
pleasures I lose myself in depths of kindness for my strain of
ingenuity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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