the youth refused to admit that anybody’s absence was the secret of his
mortification. What was she to him?--a great lady as far out of his
reach as the moon or the stars, and who no doubt had forgotten his very
name.
These were not pleasant thoughts to season the solitude, and he sat
hugging them for a great many evenings before Sir Thomas awoke, and
addressed, as he generally did, a few good-humoured, stupid observations
to the lad whom, to be sure, the baronet found a considerable bore, and
did not know what to do with. Sir Thomas could not forget his
obligations to the young man who had saved Harry’s life; and thus it
was, from pure gratitude, that he made Colin miserable--though there was
no gratitude at all, nor even much respect, in the summary judgment
which the youth formed of the heavy ’squire.
This was how matters were going on when Wodensbourne and the world, and
everything human, suddenly, all at once, sustained again a change to
Colin. He had been living thus, for six weary weeks--during which time
he felt himself getting morose, ill-tempered, and miserable--writing
sharp letters home, in which he would not confess to any special
disappointment, but expressed himself in general terms of bitterness
like a young misanthrope, and in every respect making himself, and those
who cared for him, unhappy. Even the verses, which did very well to
express the tender griefs of sentiment, had been thrown aside at this
crisis; for there was nothing melodious in his feelings, and he could
not say in sweet rhymes and musical cadences how angry and wretched he
was. He was sitting in such a mood one dreary December evening when it
was raining fast outside and everything was silent within--as was
natural in a well-regulated household where the servants knew their
duty, and the nursery was half a mile away through worlds of complicated
passages. Sir Thomas was asleep as usual, and, with his eyes shut and
his mouth open, the excellent baronet was not, as we have already said,
an elevating spectacle; and, at the other end of the table, sat Colin,
chafing out his young soul with such thoughts of what was not, but might
have been, as youth does not know how to avoid. It was just then, when
he was going over his long succession of miseries--thinking of his
natural career cut short for the sake of this dreary penance of which
nothing could ever come--that Colin was startled by the sound of wheels
coming up the wintry avenue. He could not venture to imagine to himself
what it might be, though he listened as if for life and death; he heard
the sounds of an arrival and the indistinct hum of voices which he could
not distinguish, without feeling that he had any right to stir from the
table to inquire what it meant; and there he sat accordingly, with his
hair thrust back from his forehead and his great eyes gleaming out from
the noiseless atmosphere, when the door opened and a pretty figure, all
eager and glowing with life, looked into the room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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