This was the letter which woke all the slumbering forces of Colin’s mind
to renew the struggle against his heart and his fancy which he had
already waged unsuccessfully. He was not of much use to Charley for that
day at least; their conjugations, negative or affirmative, made but
small progress, and the sharp-witted boy gave his tutor credit for being
occupied with Matty, and scorned him accordingly--of which fact the
young man was fortunately quite unaware. When it became possible for
Colin to speak to Sir Thomas on the subject, he had again lost himself
in a maze of conflicting inclinations. Should he leave this false
position, and betake himself again, in improved and altered
circumstances, to the business of his life? But Colin saw very clearly
that to leave his present position was to leave Matty--to relinquish his
first dream; to give up the illusion which, notwithstanding all its
drawbacks, had made life lovely to him for the past year at least.
Already he had so far recovered his senses as to feel that, if he left
her now, he left her for ever, and that no new tie could be woven
between his humble fortunes and those of the little siren of
Wodensbourne. Knowing this, yet all the while subject to her
witcheries--hearing the song that lured him on--how was he to take a
strenuous resolution, and leap back into the disenchanted existence,
full of duty but deprived of delights, which awaited him in his proper
sphere? He had gone out to the terrace again in the afternoon to argue
it out with himself, when he encountered Sir Thomas, who had a cold, and
was taking his constitutional discreetly for his health’s sake, not
without an eye to the garden in which Lady Frankland intended sundry
alterations which were not quite satisfactory to her lord. “Of course I
don’t mean to interfere with my lady’s fancies,” said the baronet, who
was pleased to find some one to whom he could confide his griefs; “a
flower-garden is a woman’s department, certainly, if anything is; but I
won’t have this terrace disturbed. It used to be my mother’s favourite
walk,” said Sir Thomas. The good man went on, a little moved by this
particular recollection, meditating his grievance. Sir Thomas had got
very nearly to the other end of that table-land of existence which lies
between the ascent and the descent--that interval in which the suns burn
hottest, the winds blow coldest, but upon which, when it is fair
weather, the best part of life may be spent. By right of his extended
prospect, he was naturally a little contemptuous of those griefs and
struggles of youth which cloud over the ascending way. Had any one told
him of the real conflict which was going on in Colin’s mind, the
excellent middle-aged man would but have laughed at the boy’s folly--a
laughter softened yet confirmed by the recollection of similar clouds in
his own experience which had long dispersed into thin air. He was a
little serious at the present moment, about my lady’s caprice, which
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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