beyond description. But when he saw her use the same wiles with others,
lavishing freely the smiles which had been so precious to his deluded
fancy upon one and another, a painful wonder seized the mind of Colin.
To stand in that corner possessed by one object was to be behind the
scenes. Colin was mortal; he had made a great sacrifice, and he was glad
to have made it; but he could not forget it, nor stand at his ease,
accepting the civilities that might be offered to him as to another. At
first he expected the equivalent which he imagined had been pledged to
him, and when he found out his mistake in that, he discovered also how
impossible it was to refrain from a feeling of injury, a jealous
consciousness of inadequate appreciation. He himself knew, if nobody
else did, the price at which he had bought those siren smiles, and under
these circumstances to stand by and see them bestowed upon others, was
an experience which conveyed wonderful insight to Colin’s inexperienced
eyes. If Miss Matty saw him at all, she saw him in the corner, and gave
him a nod and a smile in passing, which she thought quite enough to keep
him happy for the time being. For, unluckily, the professors of this art
of fascination, both male and female, are apt now and then to deceive
themselves as to the extent of their own powers. While Matty was so
perfectly easy in her mind about the tall figure in the corner, he, for
his part, was watching her with feelings which it would be very hard to
describe. His very admiration, the sincerity of his love, intensified
the smouldering germs of disappointment and disgust of which he became
uneasily conscious as he stood and watched. He saw by glimpses “the very
heart of the machine” from that unnoticed observatory. He saw how she
distributed and divided her bright looks, her playful talk; he perceived
how she exerted herself to be more and more charming if any victim
proved refractory, and was slow to yield. Had Colin been kept more
perfectly in hand himself, had she devoted a little more time, a little
more pains to him, it is probable that the sweet flattery would have
prevailed, and that he might have forgiven her the too great readiness
she showed to please others. But, as it was, the glamour died out of
Colin’s eyes ray by ray, and bitter in the consciousness of all he had
sacrificed, he began to find out how little the reward, even could he
have obtained it, was worth the price. The process was slow, but it went
on night by night--and night by night, as the disenchantment progressed,
Colin became more and more unhappy. It was wretchedto see the sweet
illusion which had made life so beautiful disappearing under his very
eyes, and to feel that the enchantment, which had to him been so
irresistible, was a conscious and studied art, which could be used just
when the possessor pleased, with as much coolness as if it had bean the
art of embroidery or any other feminine handicraft. A wise spectator
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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