Until this spasm of pain seized her heart, Eglah had not realized or
acknowledged that she cherished any hope, save that God would preserve
the life of the man who so completely renounced her. If she had vaguely
trusted time might soften and remove his bitterness, she understood at
last the mockery of a delusion that she had unconsciously indulged.
Above the evensong of the rippling water at her feet, rang his
passionate words that last day in the carriage: "I shall try not to come
home." To escape the possibility of proximity to her he had plunged into
unknown wilds, where only the trails of foxes, wolves, bears, could
thread the silent desolation, and at all hazards he would keep the
promise of his farewell note: "Your path in future shall be spared my
shadow." Wandering into the jaws of death, rather than see her again;
for how elusive, how slender, the chances of meeting whalers. As in a
mirage she seemed to see him on the colonnade at Nutwood, as he stood
looking with eloquent, happy eyes at her, assuring her father: "When I
know she is waiting at home for me, do you suppose all the ice in
Greenland can shut me away from her?" And now the Arctic Circle would
hold his chosen grave, because she could never cross it. The mail for
America held no word for her; but doubtless kind messages had come to an
old man whose sunken eyes would shine with delight over tidings from
"the lad."
To all of us come times when, self-surrendered to depression, some
psychic imp drags from mental oblivion and shakes fiendishly before us
ghoulish images long forgotten; and now, as purplish-grey shadows
gathered in the mill, Eglah saw that vision of "Were-Wolves," the souls
of wretched men fleeing from light, hiding in Polar midnight.
"Each panter in the darkness
Is a demon-haunted soul,
The shadowy, phantom were-wolves,
Who circle round the Pole.
Their tongues are crimson flaming,
Their haunted blue eyes gleam,
And they strain them to the utmost
O'er frozen lake and stream;
Their cry one note of agony
That is neither yelp nor bark,
These panters of the northern waste
Who hound them to the dark."
The voice of Mrs. Mitchell calling her name aroused Eglah, and she
staggered to her feet, swaying slightly as from a stinging blow. That
silent, yearning tenderness, to which she had gladly yielded for so many
months, now appeared an insult to her womanly pride.
Rejected and despised, abandoned forever, made by her husband's
repudiation a target for gossip and harsh comment, why should she love
him? Why, when too hopelessly late, had her heart so unexpectedly
followed him, refusing to relax its quest?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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