A Sportsman's Sketches, Volume 2: Works of Ivan Turgenev, Volume 2Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
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A Sportsman's Sketches, Volume 2: Works of Ivan Turgenev, Volume 2
Turgenev, Ivan Sergeevich
Country life -- Russia -- Fiction; Peasants -- Russia -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
at home he lisped, and always had his spectacles on his forehead--he was
a very learned man, though. Well, suddenly it seemed to me that I was in
love with Linchen, and for six whole months this impression remained. I
talked to her, it's true, very little--it was more that I looked at her;
but I used to read various touching passages aloud to her, to press her
hand on the sly, and to dream beside her in the evenings, gazing
persistently at the moon, or else simply up aloft. Besides, she made
such delicious coffee! One asks oneself--what more could one desire?
Only one thing troubled me: at the very moments of ineffable bliss, as
it's called, I always had a sort of sinking in the pit of the stomach,
and a cold shudder ran down my back. At last I could not stand such
happiness, and ran away. Two whole years after that I was abroad: I went
to Italy, stood before the Transfiguration in Rome, and before the Venus
in Florence, and suddenly fell into exaggerated raptures, as though an
attack of delirium had come upon me; in the evenings I wrote verses,
began a diary; in fact, there too I behaved just like everyone else. And
just mark how easy it is to be original! I take no interest, for
instance, in painting and sculpture.... But simply saying so aloud...
no, it was impossible! I must needs take a cicerone, and run to gaze at
the frescoes.'...
He looked down again, and again pulled off his nightcap.
'Well, I came back to my own country at last,' he went on in a weary
voice. 'I went to Moscow. In Moscow a marvellous transformation took
place in me. Abroad I was mostly silent, but now suddenly I began to
talk with unexpected smartness, and at the same time I began to conceive
all sorts of ideas of myself. There were kindly disposed persons to be
found, to whom I seemed all but a genius; ladies listened
sympathetically to my diatribes; but I was not able to keep on the
summit of my glory. One fine morning a slander sprang up about me (who
had originated it, I don't know; it must have been some old maid of the
male sex--there are any number of such old maids in Moscow); it sprang
up and began to throw off outshoots and tendrils like a strawberry
plant. I was abashed, tried to get out of it, to break through its
clinging toils--that was no good.... I went away. Well, in that too I
showed that I was an absurd person; I ought to have calmly waited for
the storm to blow over, just as one waits for the end of nettle-rash,
and the same kindly-disposed persons would have opened their arms to me
again, the same ladies would have smiled approvingly again at my
remarks.... But what's wrong is just that I'm not an original person.
Conscientious scruples, please to observe, had been stirred up in me; I
was somehow ashamed of talk, talk without ceasing, nothing but
talk--yesterday in Arbat, to-day in Truba, to-morrow in
Sivtsevy-Vrazhky, and all about the same thing.... But if that is what
people want of me? Look at the really successful men in that line: they
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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