And then the element of grotesque folly, that underlay this man's
nature, had prompted him to satisfy the childlike craving for plenary
shrift and absolution. He told her that he had confessed in an unguarded
moment to Chetwynd, taken him further into his confidence. At first she
had scarcely understood him--the suggestion had stunned, paralyzed her
for a few seconds, during which his words seemed to strike her senses
dimly, like rain in the night. The complete realization came with a
rush--the shame, the degradation--the abyss that he had opened at her
feet. Sudden overpowering hate of him had flooded her senses and burst
all barriers of reserve and self-control.
He had committed the Unpardonable Sin, in a woman's eyes--the crime
against her honour. To have won her, kissed her, cast her aside--that is
in the heart of a woman to forgive. But not the other. He had betrayed
her. Not only that, but he had stabbed to the very soul of her love. The
sight of the weak man, who had added this crowning outrage to the
havoc he had wrought in her life, goaded her into madness. The very
tenderness, with which she had but lately regarded him, made the
revulsion all the stronger.
“Oh God! I could kill you! I could kill you!” she had cried.
He had turned white to the lips, scared at the transformation of the
calm, subdued woman into the fierce, quivering creature with glittering
eyes and passion-strung words. The eternal, wild, savage woman,
repressed for years in the depths of her soul, had leapt out upon him
to rend him in her mad anger. She had pointed to the door, stamping her
foot, driven him out of her sight. At the door he had paused, and looked
at her with a strange mingling of manhood and submission in his eyes.
“I deserve my punishment--but I am not all bad. And so help me God,
Kitty, my offer will hold good at any moment of my life!”
He had gone. She was alone, pacing the room, still shaken with the storm
of elemental fury.
At last exhaustion weakened her. She drew aside the curtain before her
bed, and threw herself down shivering with the shame that was eating
into her bones.
“Oh, my God!” she moaned, “Oh, my God! That he should have learned--from
him--”
She drew the sides of the pillow tight about her face. It was agony
of degradation. Her body shuddered at the thought of his contempt, the
shattering of his faith in her, the man's revolt at the brutality of the
revelation. She had been dragged through the mire before his eyes. In
her degradation she saw herself the object of his loathing.
The sharp striking of the little Swiss clock on her writing-table roused
her. She raised a drawn face and looked in its direction. It was only
eleven. She had thought hours had passed while she had lain there
shivering. A little sense of dismay crept over her. If those few minutes
had passed like hours, what would be the length of the hours themselves
that had to be lived through that day?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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