But if he was late, gradually she felt herself wrung with anguish. . . . And when the hour was passed, and night came and the crowd had dispersed and he had not returned, oh! then began those sinister evenings she knew so well, those mortal evenings of waiting which she spent, the door open, seated in a chair, her hands joined, saying her prayers, her ear straining at all the sailors' songs which came from outside, trembling at every sound of footsteps which she heard on the dark staircase. And then, very late, when others, her neighbours, were in bed and could no longer see her, she descended; in the cold, in the rain, she went out like one possessed to wait at street corners, listen at the doors of pot-houses where men were drinking still, press her pallid cheek against the window-panes of taverns. CHAPTER LV Little Pierre was still asleep in his cradle, making up for the sleep he had lost in the early morning. And this morning his mother also dozed near him in her chair, exhausted as she was by fatigue and watching. It was broad daylight when she awoke, her limbs numb with cold. And with returning consciousness came once more the weight of her anxiety. Why had she left Toulven? Why did she marry? Daughter of the country as she was what was she doing in this Brest where people stared at her peasant's dress? Why had she come to wear in the streets of the town her large white collarette, often soaked with rain, which in despair, in utter weariness, she allowed now to hang crumpled and limp on her shoulders. She had done everything she could to reform Yves. He was still so kind, so good, he was so fond of his little Pierre in his sober hours, that often she was encouraged still to hope! He had moods of repentance that were quite sincere and lasted for several days; and those days were days of happiness. "You must forgive me," he used to say, "for you can see that I was not myself!" And she forgave him. Then he would stay at home, and when by chance the weather was reasonably fine, they dressed little Pierre in his new clothes, and went for a walk, the three of them, in Brest. And then, one fine evening Yves would not return, and all was to be begun again, and she fell back into despair. Things went from bad to worse; the stay at Brest exerted over him the same influence as it usually does over all sailors. Every week now almost, the dread thing happened; it was becoming a habit. What room was there for hope? There was no money left in their drawer. What was to be done? Borrow from these women, her neighbours, who from time to time used to drink also, and whom she disdained to know! Of that she was ashamed! Nevertheless she was at her wits' end to know how to hide her distress from her parents, who knew nothing, and had taken Yves to their heart as if he had been their own son.