Then, abruptly, I was aware of myself--not the gross mechanism of
clumsy bone and muscle, but the neuro-electric field generated within
the massive structure of a brain alive with flashing currents and a
lightning interplay of molecular forces. A sense of orientation grew. I
occupied a block of cells ... here in the left hemisphere. The mass of
neural tissue loomed over me, gigantic. And "I" ... "I" was reduced to
the elemental ego, who possessed as a material appurtenance "my" arms
and legs, "my" body, "my" brain.... Relieved of outside stimuli I was
able now to conceptualize myself as I actually was: an insubstantial
state existing in an immaterial continuum, created by the action of
neural currents within the cerebrum, as a magnetic field is created in
space by the flow of electricity.
And I knew what had happened. I had opened my mind to invasion by alien
memories. The other mind had seized upon the sensory centers, driven me
to this dark corner. I was a fugitive within my own skull.
For a timeless time I lay stunned, immured now as the massive stones
of Bar-Ponderone had never confined me. My basic self-awareness still
survived, but was shunted aside, cut off from any contact with the body
itself.
With shadowy fingers of imagination I clawed at the walls surrounding
me, fought for a glimpse of light, for a way out.
And found none.
* * * * *
Then, at last, I began again to think.
I must analyze my awareness of my surroundings, seek out channels
through which impulses from sensory nerves flowed, and tap them.
I tried cautiously; an extension of my self-concept reached out with
ultimate delicacy. There were the ranked infinities of cells, there
the rushing torrents of gross fluid, there the taut cables of the
interconnecting web, and there--
Barrier! Blank and impregnable the wall reared up. My questing tendril
of self-stuff raced over the surface like an ant over a melon, and
found no tiniest fissure.
I withdrew. To dissipate my forces was senseless. I must select a point
of attack, hurl against it all the power of my surviving identity.
The last of the phantom emotions that had clung--for how long?--to the
incorporeal mind field had faded now, leaving me with no more than
an intellectual determination to reassert myself. Dimly I recognized
this sign of my waning sense of identity but there was no surge of
instinctive fear. Instead I coolly assessed my resources--and almost at
once stumbled into an unused channel, here within my own self-field.
For a moment I recoiled from the outer configuration of the stored
patterns ... and then I remembered.
I had been in the water, struggling, while the Red soldier waited,
rifle aimed. And then: a flood of data, flowing with cold, impersonal
precision. And I had deftly marshalled the forces of my body to survive.
And once more: as I hung by numbed fingers under the cornice of the
Yordano Tower, the cold voice had spoken.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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