And there she stopped, crimson and ashamed. For surely she had almost
told him that she loved him!--that secret of which she had long been so
much ashamed, and which had given her so much of grief and pain. But she
attached too much importance to her own vague words. They did not betray
her, and Wyvis scarcely listened to what she said. He broke into a
short, harsh laugh, more hideous than a sob.
"Are not all women like her?" he said. "Then they are worse. She was
innocent, at any rate, if she was weak. But she has sold her soul now,
if she ever had one, to the devil; and, as I would rather be with her in
life and death than anywhere else, I shall make haste to go to the devil
too."
He shook off her detaining hand, and strode to the door. There he
turned, and looked fixedly at his mother.
"It is almost worse to be weak than wicked, I think," he said. "If you
had told me the truth long ago, mother, I should have kept out of this
complication. It's been your fault--my misery and my failure have always
been your fault. It would have been better for me if you had left me to
plough the fields like my father before me. As it is, life's over for me
in this part of the world, and I may as well bid it good-bye."
Before they could stop him, he was gone. And Janetta could not follow,
for Mrs. Brand sank fainting from her chair, and it was long before she
could be recovered from the deathlike swoon into which she fell.
And throughout that evening, and for days to come, Margaret Adair,
although petted and caressed and praised on every hand, and persuaded
into feeling that she had not only done the thing that was expected of
her, but a very worthy and noble thing, was haunted by an uneasy
consciousness, that the argument which had prevailed with her was not
the love of home or of her parents, which, indeed, might have been a
very creditable motive for her decision, but a shrinking from trouble, a
dislike to effort of any kind, and an utter distaste for obscurity and
humility. Janetta's reproachful call rang in her ears for days. She
knew that she had chosen the baser part. True, as she argued with
herself, it was right to obey one's parents, to be submissive and
straightforward, to shrink from the idea of ingratitude and rebellion;
and, if she had yielded on these grounds, she might have been somewhat
consoled for the loss of her lover by the conviction that she had done
her duty. But for some little time she was distressfully aware that she
had never considered her parents in the matter at all. She had thought
of worldly disadvantage only. She had not felt any desire to stand by
Wyvis Brand in his trouble. She had felt only repugnance and disgust;
and, having some elements of good in her, she was troubled and ashamed
by her failure; for, even if she had done right in the main, she knew
that she had done it in the wrong way.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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